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To Sam

My family

Hi Sam,
It was a couple of months ago my parents broke up and my dad moved out it was one of the hardest things ever to happen to me. After that my dad rented a nice flat near my mums house we used to go there on the weekends. Then one weekend my dad said "we are going to see my friend" so we went to the park and my dads friend was the person he loves so divorced from my mum. Only a month ago by dad started renting this big house with his girlfriend and her children it's a nice big house.
The problem I have is that I feal like its all moving to fast. Hope you can help
-C, 12
P.S my mum and dad have talked to me about but I don't think it's enough
Ask Sam

Sam

Hi C,

Thanks so much for writing to me. It sounds like things have been really difficult recently and you’ve gone through a lot of change.

When parents decide to end their relationship it's not easy. It’s completely understandable that you have had lots of different feelings about this. It sounds like you have had to be very strong and very brave through this time of change. 

It may help to remember that although your parent’s relationship might be changing, the love they have for you isn't changing. They should continue to be there to support and listen to you.

I can hear that you feel it’s all moving so fast and that is why it is really important that you get the help and support you deserve. I’m wondering what it would be like to say to your mum and dad that you feel what they have said so far is not enough. You could say that you need to talk your worries through a little bit more to help you feel more secure with the changes that are happening.

It’s understandable that as new people are coming into your life, this is leaving you feeling a little unsettled and again this is something that you can let your parents know. There may also be people in your wider family who you can talk things over with. This could be someone like an aunt, uncle or grandparents.

You may also like to say to your mum and dad that although there are new people coming into the family, like your dad’s girlfriend and her children, that you would really like some time with your mum and with your dad on their own. If you have a hobby or interest that you share with each parent it may be that this is something that you do with each of them. It could be a way of helping you cope through what feels like fast change for you.

In the meantime you can read more about parents splitting up and you may also like to check out the message boards where young people support each other on the issues that matter to them, like families. 

Well done for writing to me, you’ve been really brave. You can talk to a ChildLine counsellor for more support. Don’t forget, our counsellors are always there to listen to you.

Take care,
Sam

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