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My dad and moving...

Dear Sam

I am writing to ask if i am aloud to leave home...my dad emotionally abuses me everyday and i cannot take it anymore...my mother does not see the affect it is having on me...i have depression and the abuse is not helping me recover...i have been offerd a place to live if i wanted to move but i don't know if i can and the hassel it would take to move...help?

From A*

Ask Sam

Sam

Hi there A*,

Thanks for your letter and for telling me about what things are like at home.

It sounds like you’ve been coping with your dad treating you badly for a long time and are starting to feel like this isn’t something you can put up with anymore. I understand from your letter that your dad is emotionally abusive, although you haven’t said what he does. It’s really important that you know that what your dad is doing is wrong. Whilst it sounds like your mum is aware of what’s happening, it seems like she isn’t unable to understand how it’s affecting you and the impact it’s having on your life.

It sounds incredibly hard for you to manage your feeling of depression whilst being abused by your dad on a daily basis. I’m not sure whether anyone else in your life (other than your mum) knows about this. For example, if you are seeing a medical professional about your depression you might consider talking to them. What your Dad is doing is wrong and if you wanted to, you could let someone know about it. Here’s a link to the part of the ChildLine website with information about emotional abuse and what support you could access if you wanted to.

It’s difficult for me to advise you about moving out of home. I don’t know how old you are, who it is who has offered you a place to live, whether they’re safe and trusted people or whether there are any financial matters that need some thought. I don’t want to make any assumptions and give you the wrong information. Many young people find that this is something they could talk to a ChildLine counsellor about. It could be on the phone, a 1-2-1 chat or by email. They’d want to ask you some questions to explore your situation in order to be able to give you their best advice.

What would have to change at home for you to feel like you could carry on living there? I can hear you thinking about changes that you might make in order to live somewhere free of abuse. However, you have a right to live in your home safely and it might be that with the right support, things at home could change. Again, this is something that a counsellor could talk through with you.

Lastly, you’ve told me that you live with depression. I’m not sure whether this is something you have support with from anyone. If not, this is something you’re also entitled to. If you haven’t already, chatting to your doctor or school nurse or counsellor would mean they could refer you for some support. There’s also this website called Young Minds, which has lots of information about young people and mental health and has some good advice.

Take care,

Sam

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