Ask Sam letter

Hi there,

When adults in our lives start new relationships like having a new boyfriend, it can really affect us emotionally, especially if we do not like the person they are in a relationship with. This can be really frustrating as it is your mum’s choice as to who she chooses to be her boyfriend. That can make you feel out of control.

Sometimes it can take someone pointing something out to a person before they realise the effect it’s having on other people. It might be an idea to think about telling your mum what it is like for you when all of her focus is on him.

It can be really hard to hide or pretend about your feelings, so telling someone how we feel can be a relief. Being honest about your feelings does not always change the situation, but it's worth considering how you would feel if your mum was aware of what’s happening for you. Your own feelings in everything that is happening are really important.

It could help you to think about what it is you don’t like about your mum’s boyfriend. Think about whether it’s something about him that you don’t like, or if it’s that he is dating your mum that makes you unhappy. It could be that you might feel this way no matter who your mum was dating.

Whether it is something about this particular boyfriend you don’t like, or the idea of anyone dating your mum, coming to that understanding yourself might help you work out how you can begin to cope with this person being in your life.

You are always welcome to talk to one of the counsellors anytime about what has been happening and what you might like to do next.

Take care,
Sam