Ask Sam letter


To Sam


My mum treats me like a child even though i am 17, she wont allow me to do certain things like going out with friends and she always tells me to stay away from boys. What can I do t make her understand i'm growing up
Ask Sam


Hi there,

Thanks for your message. It can be really stressful when the people who have taken care of you whilst growing up find it difficult to know when you don’t need looking after as much anymore. It sounds like it’s been especially difficult for you to help your mum see your point of view so I’m really glad you decided to tell me about it.

Everyone has different experiences of getting older and some people are given more freedom than others. It can be hard if your friends are allowed to do something and you’re not. Your views are important and I can hear that you want to help your mum understand how much she is affecting you.

Firstly, it’s important to find a good time to talk to your mum about this. When do you think the best time would be? Ideally you will be able to find a time when neither you or your mum are going to be thinking about other things. Hopefully you will both have the time to talk without it turning into an argument. It might help to ask your mum to put some time aside for you both to talk.

It sounds like what you want most is freedom to do things and to have a better relationship with your mum. Your feelings and views are the most important thing but if someone isn’t listening then sometimes it’s better for you to listen to them first. Doing this means you can know how to help them understand and listen to you in return.

It sounds a lot like your mum hasn’t been clear about her reasons for not wanting you to go out with friends or see boys. Perhaps if you knew what worries her, you could help her see things from your point of view.

Once you find out what is worrying her you could then ask her what you can do to change things. What would she need from you so that she could feel better about you being out with friends? For example, would it change things if your mum could get to know your friends better so that she knows she can trust them?

It’s worth taking some time to think about what you think would be the best way to talk to mum about this. Sometimes talking to someone else can help – if you want to talk to a ChildLine counsellor then there is always someone here to listen. You can talk online by 1-2-1 chat and email or you can call for free on 0800 1111.

Take care,


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