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To Sam

Moving out

I live with my mum on one week and with my dad on one week and vice versa. I don't really like my mum because she was the one who went off with someone else and made the divorce happen. I love my dad and I really want to live with him permanently and see my mum a few days a week. I have spoken to my dad about it and he said he doesn't want to split me and my sister up and my sister wants to live with my mum. It's a bit of a mess and I don't know what to do.

G* x

Ask Sam


Hi there,

It can be very difficult and confusing when families break up and the new arrangements are not really what you want them to be. It’s also normal to feel uncomfortable around someone who you feel has caused these changes – in this case your mum. You might find our family relationships page has some information and advice you find useful.

You don’t say how old you and your sister are, but it could be that you are older than your sister and have reached a point where you would prefer to be settled in a place where you feel happy and secure. This makes a lot of sense. It does seem quite unsettling to be constantly moving between parents, one week with each parent in turn. It could be that your parents haven’t realised how this is affecting you. 

Perhaps this is something that you could talk to both of them about. It might help to explain how it would be good to have somewhere permanent to call home, and that in your case you would prefer for that to be with dad but you are also okay with spending time with your mum and your sister.

It might be that there is another adult you trust, like a wider family member or teacher at school, who you could talk to about your situation. It might help to see if they can support you in trying to get your message across to your parents. Alternatively, you might like to talk to a ChildLine counsellor about it and explore things more with them. We have some help and advice about asking an adult for help which you might like to check out.

You might also like to check out the message boards to see how other young people are coping in a similar situation.

Take care,

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