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To Sam

marriage but studying

hi sam, you seem younger than the other consellors so i wanted to have your advice if that cool.
im expected to get married and im still studying and i am sick to death with having 'The Talk' expecially as the one they want me to marry is really ugly. i don't wanna be mean but it's true and i care how the guys appearance is. and he will never get wat kinda person i am cus he's from a diffrent society and im not like him and im not gunna sit there changing him cus he's his own person and frankly doesnt adapt to new envirments.
im so busy in homework and im having to deal with this at home and i can't keep up. i don't wanna be worrying about this yet becasue i am really busy with my studies.  wat do you think how can i get it in my parents head to stop bugging me for things i don't wanna no.
they are such typical narrow minded parents they really have truoble connecting with us children even though they practically provide so much for us; we never run out of food or cloths 3 etc. but they can't cummunicate very well even as all my friends have good comuncation with there parents and can talk about anything to them but me and my sisters can't.
Ask Sam


Hi there,

I am glad you’ve got in touch and that you want to talk.

From what you’ve said it sounds like you are feeling really pressured by your parent’s expectations of you to get married. I can hear how important you studies are for you but it also sounds like the marriage is what is important to your parents. I know it can be really hard to get work done when you're under different kinds of pressure, and that this is affecting your homework and studies.

It seems like you’d really like you parents to be able to see things a bit more like you and your sisters do and that them having trouble connecting. Sometimes it can help to talk to parents about what you feel is important and to explain to them how you see things, which can be different to how they see them.

Everyone has the right to choose if they want to marry and who they marry, even when a marriage is arranged it is important that both the people getting married consent and are comfortable with what is happening. It sounds like you really unsure about the person that your parents want you to marry, because of how he looks and that he is from a different social background.

Sometimes people aren’t allowed to choose who they marry and can be forced into it, this is something that is against the law. If you’re worried this might happen to you it can be really important to tell someone, who can support you with what is happening. There is some more information on the website thesite, it also has pages on coping with difficult parents.

I can hear how much this is on your mind if you did want to talk about it more you could get in touch with a ChildLine counsellor. ChildLine counsellors come from all different walks of life, and all different ages. No matter who the counsellor is they will want to listen to you and support you as best they can. You can get in touch with a counsellor through the talk section of the website, or by calling 0800 1111, free and without it showing up on any bills.

Take care,


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