I'm 17 years old and I'm currently doing AS exams. I'm still in denial with my parfents and family. I've been given warnings and threats about being homosexual and/or bisexual by my parents. The most common threat is being kicked out of the house, and they will throw me out. I've been in a secret relationship with my boyfriend, and truth-be-told, we love each other. Cliche? Yes. Last week I took the train to visit him and this morning my mum found the ticket. To leave the house I told her that I was hanging around with my female friend. When my mum found out, I told her that I visited my friend. She's met my boyfriend before and she convinced that he's gay and she doesn't like me hanging with him. When I told her who I was truely hanging around with, she immediately accused me of being in a relationship. I've told my friends who I am. They've accepted me. One of my best friends has offered a place to stay. Each day, I'm feeling more pressured to them and leave. I'm not happy at home because I can't tell them who I am confidentally. I would love some advice. I know my parents aren't going to accept me. They reminded that to me this morning. And telling them is coming up like a freight train. I can't keep it in any longer. Please help.
Sam
Hi there
Thank you for your letter. It sounds like youre in a really difficult place right now but you also sound a very brave and capable person.
Your sexuality is an important part of you and you have every right to be true to yourself. No one can tell you this is wrong, because being yourself is always going to be right. Its really disappointing to hear that your parents are unable to accept you for who you are right now. Sometimes peoples responses will change over time. Either way, it sounds like youre stuck between really wanting to be open with them about your sexuality, and knowing it could be really painful for you to go through this with them.
It might help you to know that at 17 you would legally be allowed to leave home without your parents consent. You would also be entitled to help or support if your parents did kick you out. It can be harder to find somewhere to live or to get financial help while youre still under 18, so if you are thinking about leaving home, or think you might be asked to leave, its important to plan carefully first. Youve told me that you are in the middle of your AS levels, so youll need to decide what the best time would be to take any action. You can get specialist advice and information about housing options from Shelter. Another really good website is the Albert Kennedy Trust. Its specifically for LGBT young people who feel unsafe at home or who have been kicked out because of homophobic discrimination by their parents or guardians.
Im really glad to hear that your friends are supportive. It sounds like your experience of coming out to them has been really positive. You deserve to have friends who accept you for yourself.
I hope that you can find some answers in this letter. You might also want to ask other young people for support on our Sexuality message boards. Please always feel free to contact Childline if you need to talk about anything, whether it be about your family, your feelings or any questions you might have. The counsellors are here for you.
Take care,
Sam
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