Ask Sam letter


To Sam

im really confused and sometimes depressed what should i do ???!!!!

My mum and my dad split up when i was about 9 or 10 now i am 11, my mum just got a new boyfriend and im scared that he is going to take over as my dad and he might start living with us but i dont want him too!
Also i hardly ever see my dad i sometimes see him every other week and weekend but not all the time and i wish i could see him more because he even said to me that he wanted me to see me more so i dont know what to do !!! Im not sure if I want to go live with my dad but i cant because if i do he will have to give up his job then he will have no money left !!!!!
i cry about this a lot and i kinda feel a bit better telling someone but i really need some advice !!!!!!!!!
Ask Sam


Hi there,

It’s so good to hear from you.

It can be a difficult time when parents split up and it’s understandable that you are finding it upsetting. It’s helpful to remember that even though your parents don’t live together anymore, it doesn’t mean that you’re any less important to them.

I can see that mum has a new boyfriend and you’re worried that he might move in and start trying to be your dad. It’s a big change to have someone new living with your family, so it’s natural to feel worried about whether or not this is going to happen. You might find it helpful to read some of the information in Explore about stepfamilies.

Perhaps you could talk to your mum and tell her your worries about her new boyfriend? You’ve not told me much about what your mum’s boyfriend is like and how the two of you get on. It might be that you’ve got some questions about what’s going to happen. Maybe you could write down what you want to share with mum and choose a time when she’s relaxed to share your worries. If you don’t think you’re ready to have that conversation, you could talk through your feelings with a Childline counsellor or a trusted adult. You could ask the counsellor to help you practice what you want to say to your mum, if you think that would help.

You’ve also mentioned how hard you find it not seeing more of your dad. From what you’ve said, it would be very difficult for you to live with him, because dad doesn’t have much money right now. It sounds like this is something that you and dad might have talked about a bit, but you’ve still got lots of questions about what to do next.

It might be that some of the things you want for your family just aren’t possible. But whatever happens, your feelings about it are really important, and you deserve to be taken seriously. Getting definite answers to your questions and having a chance to say how you really feel might make things seem a bit better.

There is more information on the subject of divorce and separation in Explore. It might also help to read the message boards, where you’ll see lots of messages from other young people in similar situations.

It’s good to see that it has helped to tell me what is happening and I want you to know that you don’t have to cope with this alone.

Take care


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