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I want my parents to divorce

Dear Sam,

i really want my parents to divorce, it may sound really selfish but me and my father just don't get along, he is just selfish. It has taken me a lot of courage to write this letter. I'm 13 and my dad controls me and my mum. To start with my mum always has to get permission from my dad to go somewhere and once my dad saw that my mum was texting one of her friends and he took her phone off her and didn't talk to her until my mum fealt bad. He also controls what I wear and doesn't let me go downstairs in my pyjamas. Also he used to not let me have my hair down but I ignored him and he doesnt say anything about my hair now, these are just a few things that he does. Once my mum went out with her sisters without my dads permission and my dad told my mums dad and my mum got into trouble and I had never seen her cry so much.

My dad has never taken us on holiday and says we are not a rich family although he is a mechanic, a taxi driver, and has a small business online. I feel left out. He also won't get me and my brother a bike as apparently we are too old to ride bikes.

he won't let my mum get a job and doesn't give my mum enough money therefore my mum never takes us anywhere.

i have tried talking to my mum but she always says she has no choice and she is afraid my dad will go tell her parents off her aswell.. I have also tried sticking up for my mum which is why I get into arguments with my dad and tries to make me feel bad as once he says he 'ruins' his life just for his kids

please reply I really want advice, i don't show it on the outside but I feel no one knows truly how unhappy I am and no one understands What I'm going through.

thanks

Ask Sam

Sam

Hi there,

Relationships can become abusive when one person controls the other in some way. Making people feel cut off from their friends and family could be a way that someone gets control. But however this is happening, this is domestic abuse and it's not okay.

Often people who are in an abusive relationship either can't see it themselves or are too afraid to do anything about it, but it's always okay for you to speak out about it when it's your own parents and it's affecting you. 

Childline is always here for you, and our counsellors can talk to you online or on the phone on 0800 1111 anytime you need to. If you are able to safely look at our website, there's advice on domestic abuse you might want to look at, as well information about covering your tracks to make your visits private. You should also hide your visit to our website, be careful not to put yourself in danger.

It would also be okay to share tell an adult your trust about what's going on. Teachers at school can be useful for this, as well as any other family members outside of home who you know would want you to be safe.

You could also look at the Women's Aid website which could be really helpful for you and your mum. There's a lot of good information on there and they also run a helpline which you could call on 0808 2000 247, if you feel safe enough to do so.

Take care and thanks for your letter.

Sam

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