Ask Sam letter


To Sam

i have no freedom!

hi sam, i am 14 years old and i have no freedom at all. my parents will not let me go out at all with my friends, but if do (once in like a few months) they give me a specific time to return. the thing is that i travel in a bus to school, but if i want to go out with my friends my mum will say ask your dad or granddad, does she not rust me?

the only places she will let me go is the corner shop near my house that's all. i don't no what to do. everyday i see my friends have a good time going out and i feel isolated. my friends ask why don't you come out and i feel embarrassed to say that they don't let me. i just want my freedom that's all. im capable to look after my self like i do all my chores, look after my brother and sister if my parents are out, whats wrong for me to have fun. i do deserve it don't i?

please sam reply soon as possible

Ask Sam


Hi there,

As you get older it’s natural to want more freedom and independence. This this isn’t always easy when you and your parents don’t agree on how much freedom you should have.

There can be lots of different things that can affect whether your parents or carers let you out with your friends. Sometimes it can feel like all you’re hearing is "no", that you’re not being listened to or even that you’re not given a reason why you’re not allowed.

If you don't agree with something, it can be good to think about the best way to say this. Talking about what you want doesn’t always mean that the other person will change their mind. But it can help you both to understand each other’s needs a little more. It can also help you to think about an agreement that might work in the future.

Saying what you want isn’t the same as starting an argument. It can help to be assertive, practice what you want to say, and get advice on building your confidence before you start. 

Making an agreement with someone doesn’t mean them changing for you. Compromising with someone means that you both have to listen and think about what the other person wants.

It’s a good idea to think about what you want to do if your parents aren’t ready for you to have more freedom. You can’t always change someone’s mind, but your parents might be able to help you think of ways to see your friends more.

It sounds like it’s been difficult talking to your friends about all of this as well. No matter how you’re feeling, Childline counsellors are there to support you. They can help you think about ways of talking to your parents, support you when things are difficult and give you time to think of other things that might work.

Take care,


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