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I don't think I can go on

Hi Sam
 
I'm 16 I currently live with my parents and 3 younger sisters. Over the last few months my parent have began to fight a lot. I've been constantly feeling down before this all started and this has just made it worse. I feel I need to act strong for my mum who's upset but it's hard. I feel like I can't express my emotions like I'm not permitted. The fights have been major lasting days and a few weeks ago my dad actually had my mum by the throat. Now yesterday they argued again over my dad freaking out at me for calling his name to give him a can of coke while he was on the phone. He said that me and my mum team up aginst him but it's because he forces it. He had a bad child hood and was in care. He has anger issues because of this but refuses to believe so.  He said he'd get counciling after the throat incident with my mum but now has turned around with there latest argument saying he doesn't think theirs anything he can do after I suggested going to marriage or family counciling at least. I have tonnes of stress from school as I have take on demding difficult courses and have fallen out with my two friend because they weren't exactly being nice to me. I live on a small island where nothing hospital-social work is secret.  I just don't think I can go on. I loseing the will to live. I've heard live just gets worse/ harder as you get older and Ive realised.
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Sam

Hi there,

I’m really pleased you’ve written. From what you’ve explained you’re getting really down because of the problems at home, particularly with your dad. Writing this letter may be your first step to getting help.

It sounds like there’s been a lot of stress around for your dad over the past few months. This has made life at home very upsetting and sometimes quite scary. You seem to be very understanding about your dad’s past and where his feelings and frustrations might be coming from. You’d really like to see him get some help, but I can also hear how frustrating it is that he isn’t listening to you.

You’ve explained how all of this is affecting how you’re coping with school and your friends. I understand that you feel responsible for your mum's needs but you also need support yourself right now, as do your younger sisters. Although your dad won’t get help it doesn’t mean you can’t. You might find talking it all through with one of the counsellors at ChildLine really helpful.

Because of your worry about everyone knowing everything where you live, I’m guessing that you’ve written to me as you’re not sure what would happen if you talked to someone at ChildLine. It might help to look at our confidentiality policy so that you know when a counsellor would have to talk someone else about what’s been said.

I’m really concerned that you’ve said that you don’t think you can go on and are losing the will to live. I can hear that all of this has made you feel that your future can’t get better, but with the right help and support you can build a brighter future for yourself. You can talk to the counsellors at ChildLine about these thoughts and feelings - they will really understand how real and overwhelming your feelings are. A ChildLine counsellor will want to support you and help keep you safe. I know that the counsellors talk to lots of young people who are trying to cope with these difficult thoughts and feelings.

You can talk more about any of the things you’ve told me with a ChildLine counsellor online by logging on for a 1-2-1 chat or sending an email or on the phone on 0800 1111.

In the meantime, take care,
Sam

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