Ask Sam letter


To Sam

I don't know what to do.

Hey sam:)

im 100% sure I'm not confused. Even though I'm only 13 years old I feel as if I want to dress like a boy and cut my hair off. I started to tie my hair up and put a hat on so it looks like I've got short hair. I've also started dressing more like a boy. I did this because I feel more comfortable with myself like that. I feel happier when I look like that. But one thing that's isn't really working out for me, is how to tell my mom about all of this. She would go all crazy on me. Especially my dad. I don't think they would accept me the way I am. I want to tell them but I don't know how. Please help):

Ask Sam



It’s great to hear that you have a strong sense of who you are and how you’d like to be dressing. You always have a right to choose your own clothing style or cut your hair in whatever style feels best to you. This is all part of your identity.

It might be an idea to think about what you would really like your parents to understand about how you feel about making these changes and how you would be feeling after the changes. Practising or rehearsing what you want to say can help someone to feel clearer on how they would like to put something.

Writing a letter is another good way of planning what you would like to say, then you can always hand the letter to your parents when the time feels right or it might help you to feel more sure of what you would like to say to them face to face.

You are worried about your parent’s reaction but they might be unaware of the problem unless you feel able to explain how it’s affecting you. Our page on asking an adult for help might help give you some ideas.

Telling a parent or carer how you feel doesn’t always change a situation but it can help you to feel as though you have let them know your point of view and gotten your feelings across.

Sometimes it can be difficult when parents or carers expect young people to dress in a certain way. It’s important to remember that when you grow up and have independence, you will be able to make all of your own choices around these things.

There is a difference between a girl feeling more into comfortable in clothing which stereotyping suggests is more for boys and someone who was born female in a body identifying as a male on the inside and feeling as though they are in the wrong body. That would become more about gender identity rather than style preference and identity.

You are very welcome to talk to a counsellor at ChildLine anytime about what’s been happening for you.

Hope some of this helps,


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