Ask Sam letter

Hi there,

Sometimes it can feel difficult when you want someone to know something but are not sure how to bring it up. Often the longer you put it off, the harder it becomes to say something – so it’s usually best to find a way to say it sooner rather than later.

Before deciding to talk to someone it can be helpful to plan things out first. Have a think about a time and a place where you’ll have some privacy to chat without being interrupted. And where you know you’ll feel comfortable talking. Choosing a time when you are likely to have plenty of time to talk will also help make things feel less pressured. Try and plan out what you want to say. If you’re feeling nervous you might want to keep simple, like ‘I wanted to let you know I have a boyfriend’, so you don’t get stuck for words.

When someone shares something like this, it’s normal that a parent may have lots of questions about the person you're in a relationship with, as they may be curious and want to know more that person. In your situation, it sounds like you and your mum have a good relationship, so she may just want to know that you're safe and okay. It might also be easier to cope with your mum’s questions if you’ve already thought about the sorts of answers you feel ready to give. It might be helpful to take some time to do that to.

Being able to start a conversation like this with someone can be difficult. But that doesn’t mean it’s not possible. You might find it helpful to speak to other young people going through similar things on our message boards. Sometimes, talking to someone else can be a good way to get different ideas on things.

You’ve done well to get in touch and if you'd like to talk through this before taking any further steps, you can always contact our counsellors. You could even practise what you might like to say to your mum with them.

Take care,
Sam