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To Sam


My best ever friend has been taken into foster care because of his behaviour problems and anger problems. He got DHD. He cannot write propely And he cannot read propely. He has been fostered within 1 day which i think is to much for him. He had given up, he dont know what to do with himself. . his foster parents don't know he got anger problems,behaviour problems or that he cannot write or read. Me and his sister went on the phone to him yesturday and he was in tears, crying mad saying how he hated it and how he wanted to come back. i want him back and i need him back. i cried in school, thinking about him. he has been excluded from my school and got into unit. He bunked unit and refused to go. If J* stays with his foster parents for a long time (hopefully not) they will pick a secondary school for him, he won't go. he will refuse and shout and scream. He would hit his foster parents probably because he can't manage without his birth parents or close friends. i don't know how long he will be there but he's trying to get out. Please, i want to know how long he will be stuck in there for and when he will be able to come home! i had been told how they treat kids in there.  And i can imagine J* bullying children or him playing up. I'm in tears right  now aswell. At school i refused to do my work. I was to angry and frustrated. The headteacher told me to write me a letter to J*, she said she will try to find out his adress and send the letter through even though she said she cant promise anything. What hurt me more is that she said we might not ever see him. When she said that i burst into more tears than ever. I really want to see him. His in north london whilst im in london. Im so desprete.. I cant stop crying its so hard for me. i will never give up. i miss him more than words can say. only his sister can understand me. i would do anything to get him back and i mean anything. I wont give up. sooner or later i have to see him because i cant live without my best friend even though we had our ups and downs. How long will he be stuck there? when will he get out? how can i see him? I also want to find out how foster care homes are like. Thank you
Ask Sam


Hi and thanks for getting in touch.

It sounds like J* is really on your mind at the moment, you must be very close to him. Going into foster care is almost always a big change not just for them but for those around that person too.

J*’s situation has had a big impact on you and it sounds as though you feel like you’ve been cut off from him. Sometimes it can take a while before someone becomes settled into where they are living and it might be that J* feels upset about what’s happened, until things become easier for him to cope with.

You said that your head teacher suggested you write a letter to J* and this is something we can help think about. You can send ChildLine messages through your inbox which is found inside your ChildLine locker. Perhaps you could send us the message you were going to send to J* and we could help you think about what to say. Or maybe there’s someone else who can also help you with that letter?

You also talked about J*’s sister and I’m wondering if she can help you get in touch with him.

Foster homes and care homes are different for everyone. For some people it can be a difficult experience, but for others it might work out better for them than things were at home. Either way it’s about how it affects J* and those around him, like you, that counts the most. Maybe you could talk to a ChildLine counsellor about the best ways to cope with your feelings around J* and his situation. You can get in touch by calling 0800 1111 (calls as free) or you can log on for a 1-2-1 chat.

Thanks for getting in touch, we’d really like to hear from you again if you want to talk more.

Take care,


Need help straight away?

You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.

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