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To Sam

Going out

I like a guy and I think he likes me. I've got a feeling he could ask me out any minute. The problem is my parents and me are asian and according to our culture we dont have relationships but arranged marriages. If he does ask me out, what shall i say? Shall i say yes and keep it a secret from my parents? I'm not allowed out of the house either. Please help.
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Sam

Hi there,

It can be really difficult when there’s something you’d like to do but you’re worried how your family will react.

It’s quite normal for there to be some conflict between you and your parents when it comes to what you can and can’t do, but whatever the rules are it’s important that you feel listened to and respected.

It’s worth thinking about how it would feel keeping a relationship from your parents, and also the possible consequences if they were to find out. How would this affect your relationship and would you ever feel comfortable with it? These are the kinds of questions you may need to think about.

Arranged marriages are a part of some cultures but you do have a choice about who you marry – whether this is to choose to have a marriage arranged by your family or to choose your own partner. When it comes to any kind of relationship, it’s important you get the opportunity to make decisions based on what feels right for you.

There may come a point where you choose to do things differently than what your family and parents approve of and when this is, or if it happens at all, will vary as everyone is different. You know your parents best but you might want to think about explaining your feelings to them and seeing what they say. Sometimes you may be able to come to a compromise that makes everyone happy. You might also want to talk to someone you trust. Find out more about asking an adult for help.

I hope this helps, but remember you can always talk to a counsellor if you want some personal support.

Take care,
Sam

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