Ask Sam letter


To Sam



I was wondering if you could help me getting through  this my family are constantly fighting and I get really scared I can never get to sleep because I over think, and can not concentrate in school, it's just constant fighting because my dad left because he had had enough I'm quite lost with out him tbh   

Ask Sam


Hello there,

Thank you for your letter. It’s really good that you feel able to share your feelings with me and ask for some help at what sounds like a difficult time in your life.

When a parent leaves it can create lots of different emotions and it is normal for people to need some time to get used to the changes. This can be upsetting and difficult for everyone, but your family should do their best to support you through it. You’ve not mentioned whether you have had any contact with your dad since he left. Unless it’s not safe for you to see him, you do have a right to ask to see your dad so you can continue your relationship with him.

Sometimes families do get angry and upset at each other which cause them to argue. It can be very upsetting and scary to hear people you care for constantly fighting. It's important to remember the fights are not your fault. Perhaps when they argue you could go for a little walk (if it is during the day). You could also listen to music or watch television so you can’t hear the fights. During the night you could take your mind off it all by reading a book or magazine, or playing one of the games on the ChildLine website.

The adults in your family have a responsibility to make sure you don’t feel scared at home. You could tell them how you have been feeling about your dad leaving, and about the arguments. Maybe they don't realise how hard you are finding it.

Sometimes adults focus so much on their feelings that they forget everyone else. If you don’t feel comfortable speaking to your family, you could speak to a teacher or another adult you trust and ask them to speak to your family for you. If the arguments ever make you feel anyone is in immediate danger of getting hurt, you can always ring 999 and ask for the police.

Sometimes it can help to get our feelings out in a diary. It could also be really helpful for you to have a chat with a counsellor before you go to bed so your mind is a little clearer and you are able to get some rest. It might also help to plan to spend an evening with your friends or other family so you have a break from the arguments.

You could also take a look at the family relationships page in the Explore section for more information and advice.

Take care, and remember that ChildLine counsellors are here to support you whenever you want to talk. You can call for free on 0800 1111 or log on for a 1-2-1 chat with a counsellor.


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