Ask Sam letter


To Sam


Hi Sam my mum and dad have split up about three years so and I haven't seen my dad in two years he just said he was going to work and never came back I cry my self to sleep most of the time this website helps me a lot but I'm not sure how I can cope any more because my mum has a new boy friend and he's trying to be to much like my dad and he all ways talks about how bad my dad is

ive been to upset to go to school recently I lied to my mum I said I was I'll I don't really have many friends so I have no support

Ask Sam


Hi there

I am really glad that you’ve written in to me and that you find the website helpful. It seems that things have been really difficult for you over the last three years and there has been a lot of change at home. It sounds like your mum getting a new boyfriend has stirred up a lot of the sad feelings you had about your mum and dad’s separation.

When parents make the decision to split it can be difficult for other people to ever fully understand the reasons for that choice. I am not sure if you know what happened or why you haven’t seen your dad in two years. I can hear how much you miss him and how much it hurt when he left so suddenly. Sometimes when parents separate they can try to protect their children from the reasons they are separating but maybe it could help you if you understood why these things have happened. Do you think that might be something you could ask your mum about?

It can take some time to adjust when a new person comes into the family. It seems that your mum’s boyfriend is trying to be part of your life but that doesn’t mean that he has to replace your dad. Maybe you could explain to him that it upsets you when he makes negative comments about your dad? He might not know what he is doing is affecting you. 

You say that you cry yourself to sleep and that you are at the point where you are not sure how to cope. It sounds like you’ve been coping very on your own with these feelings. You haven’t told me if your mum or any other adult in your life knows what things are like for you at the moment? You deserve to be supported with working through how you feel. I wonder what you’d think about writing a letter to your mum, or a teacher or another relative? You could even show them this letter on the website?

If you’re not sure who to talk to, or you want some more advice first, you can always speak to a counsellor at ChildLine either on a 1-2-1 chat or for free on 0800 1111. They are there for you and would like to help support you.

Take care


Need help straight away?

You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.

Ask me a question

You can ask me about anything you want, there's nothing too big or small. I read every single letter but I can only answer a few each week. My replies are published here on my page.

Write me a letter