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To Sam

Family foster care

I'm 14 and at the age of 13 was was issued as an alcholic and the smart team was involved but I rejected any help I am currently in foster care and regulary Vist my mam and have overnight contact while my sister is out of foster care and living with my mam she gets jealous really easily and is a compulsive liar she believes that my mum needs to pay for what she put us through with her alcholism and domestic abuse but on the other hand even though I'm the one still in care and I love my mum and regulary agree with her argument this has resolved in my sister having a constant hatred for me and always saying I'm an alcholic and I'm wondering if use can help me to make my sister love my again and my current foster carer really dislikes me because of alchol drugs and problems with the police so I know it's a lot to ask for but I need to know if theirs any options for me to have a different options or foster carer as I generally can't stand what I do to people please help
Ask Sam


Hi there,

Whether it’s in foster care or with your family, you deserve to feel respected and cared for. When you don’t, it’s always okay to want to support.

Having arguments with your family can be really difficult, especially when you’re expected to take sides. Loving your mum doesn’t make it okay for your sister to hate you or to call you names.

Sometimes in families there are times that you’re going to disagree no matter what. This can be over small things - like TV - but it can also be over big things, like your mum. Respecting how someone else feels doesn’t mean pretending you feel the same way or ignoring what you think. You can both disagree about your mum and what’s happening, but respect each other about what is happening.

Sometimes one of the best ways to stop arguing over a topic can be to spend time together without talking about it. Taking a break can help both of you to remind yourselves that you’re sisters.

If you do decide to talk about your mum more, it can be good to think about ways of doing it assertively. Being assertive means saying what you want without being aggressive. It's about being confident. You can’t always control how your sister might react, but you can be clear about what you think is best to do.

You’ve got the right to have your voice heard in whatever is being decided about your care. This means that if you’re unhappy in your foster family then it’s okay to say that. Your social worker is there to support you, and they can help you find ways to talk to your foster carer when you aren’t getting on.

If you ever feel like things have broken down with your care, you can talk to your social worker about that. You also have the right to an advocate.

An advocate is someone who’s not part of social services, and who’s there to make sure that your voice is being heard. You can find out more about advocates at Voice.

When you’re thinking about your relationships, it can be good to think about the things that might be getting in the way. Alcohol can have a really negative effect on people, both when they’re drinking it themselves and when they’re around other people who drink it. Getting support can be really scary, but it can also help you to find new ways to cope and relate to the people in your life.

If you’re ever not sure about your family or your care you can always talk to one of our counsellors. They're here to offer support about anything that might be happening.

Take care,

Need help straight away?

You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.

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