Ask Sam letter

Hello,

Thanks for getting in touch and sharing with us what is happening with you and your family. It sounds like your parents split up some time ago and that you had got used to that, but that things have been difficult lately because your dad has told you he wants to get back with your mum.

It’s understandable that you’d feel confused and upset about the situation. When parents split up it can be for lots of reasons, and it’s not always possible to know why. I hear from some young people who really want their parents to get back together, but for other young people it can be a relief when their parents break up.

It sounds like you feel really stuck in the middle of mum and dad at the moment. From what you’ve said, I don’t think it’s fair that dad is getting you involved in the situation. It’s not OK that dad’s girlfriend is hitting him, but he is an adult and it is up to him to deal with that. Your mum and dad should be speaking directly to each other, instead of speaking to you about things, so that you don’t get upset by having to think about how they both feel.

I wonder how it would be for you to share how you feel with someone that you trust, like a teacher, or maybe a grandparent? Many people find talking about their feelings and experiences really helps. You’d be welcome to talk to one the ChildLine counsellors anytime you’d like to. 

You might also want to think about letting dad know how difficult you find it when he tries to get you to get him back with your mum. Perhaps you could try writing him a letter, like the one you’ve written to me?

You could also have a look at our Separation and divorce message board where others have talked about their feelings and experiences about parents splitting up.

You can contact ChildLine by calling 0800 1111 for free anytime, by live 1-2-1 chat online (like instant messenger) or by sending us an email.  Any way you choose to contact is fine – the counsellors are all very friendly and happy to listen to you.

Take care,

Sam