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To Sam

dad is scaring me

i am suffering from anorexia and have been for the past 3 years, i recently got out of a unit, but i'm struggling at home, I hate and I mean HATE, being around my family members because they don't know how to talk to me, and they don't know how i feel, at the unit, i had their support, but when ever i am at home i feel unloved, all they think about (my whole household) is trying to make themselves look good infront of my doctors and CAM.

Im sick and tired of being treated this way, my sister competes with me, my mum and dad are rude, making me rude back at them and then them blaming me, and i also feel depressed and hide away from them, im still trying to loose weight and always have feelings of suicide, or someone going to kill or hurt me..

I want this to stop, i just want advice.

Ask Sam

Sam

Hi there,

Thanks for your letter - it sounds like things with your family have been difficult for a long time and it’s been even more difficult trying to handle it whilst you’re working through your anorexia. I’m really glad that you had the courage to be able to write to me. Getting used to life after leaving a unit like you did isn’t easy and you never deserve to feel like this.

I saw that you titled your letter “Dad is scaring me” and when you talk about your family it sounds like everyone at home leaves you feeling unsupported and even unloved. I’m worried that you have been feeling like someone might hurt you and it’s important to remember that above anything your safety and wellbeing is the most important thing.

It sounds like it can be a bit of a vicious cycle at home, with your sister getting to you by competing and your parents being rude and making you be rude back. The hardest part of having to live with other people is that sometimes it can take time or be difficult to change how they behave. Even though you can’t change other people, it can help to think about that the safest reaction for you would be. You might find it useful to have a look at our page on family relationships.

Sometimes it can be good to think about what would be best to stop a situation getting worse when your parents start being rude to you. Even something as simple as being able to leave the room so you don’t have to go through it can really help. It doesn’t mean that what they’re doing is okay, but it means that you’re putting your safety and wellbeing first. It’s really important to remember that any time you feel unsafe at home you are doing nothing wrong by phoning 999 and asking for the police.

It’s really important when things are at their most difficult that you think about what it was about the unit that helped. You could even think about what support was put in place for you when you left. You might find it useful to read our page about anorexia. You could also read this recovery story from a young person who experienced anorexia - this might give you some inspiration.

No matter where you’re at in your treatment, even if you haven’t told anyone, there are organisations like B-Eat there to support you as well. You’re never doing anything wrong by contacting them.

ChildLine is always here to support you in the moments when things are getting really hard. The counsellors are there when you’re feeling alone or when your feelings of depression are getting too much. Whenever you feel suicidal it’s important to remember that we are here 24 hours a day and 7 days a week and you can get in touch online or on the phone.

Take care,

Sam

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