Ask Sam letter


To Sam


Me and my mum are forever getting into arguments. Most of the time it starts as a stupid little issue, and goes downhill from there. Other times it's from her accusing me of giving her 'attitude' and when I defend myself and tell her didn't, she accuses me again. I can't talk to her without an argument starting. We can be fine for one minute, and the next we'll be arguing.
Whenever me and my mum argue, her and my stepdad start arguing, for him not sticking up for her or not punishing me. She always blames me for their arguing, which makes me feel extremely guilty.
I cannot cope anymore and I honestly don't want to be here anymore! I'm 15 and I've already concidered moving out, but I don't know where I'd go. We are always clashing and I'm fed up.
I have a younger sister who's 5, she winds me up and we end up arguing, my mum always sticks up for her, saying she's younger and stuff like that, but she never considers that she winds me up, which really upsets me.
If we do argue because of my attitude, how can I stop it from happening. I don't mean to, it's just the way it comes out. I hate arguing with her and it's really bringing me down, especially doing my GCSE's which puts way more stress on me. I just want a relationship with my mum that other girls do.
Also, to, I always end up having my phone taken from me. It's not like I'm desperate to have it back, put what can I do to have it back?
I don't know what to do anymore, please help me Sam, Please! Thankyou! X
Ask Sam


Hi there,

Thanks for writing to tell me about the difficult time you're having at home. It sounds like these arguments are bringing you down and adding to the exam stress you are already experiencing. I can hear that these arguments are having a big impact on your relationship with mum and you don’t like that this is happening.

Relationships with parents can get more complicated when we become teenagers. As you get older, the relationship between you and your parents may change. Your parents have less control as you get more independent and develop more opinions of your own. It can take time for both young people and their parents to adjust to these changes and it often leads to arguments.

I can hear that the arguments with your mum are having a big impact on you and you’re thinking you’d like to move out of home. At 15 you would not legally be able to move out of home without your mum’s consent. This is because she is still responsible for you and it's up to her to care for you and look after you. This changes a bit when you reach 16 but you can read more about your rights here. 

It sounds like part of you still wants to stay at home and try to work things out with your mum. You've done really well to write this letter to me and make it clear how you're feeling. I know that sometimes writing things down can stop an argument from happening. Maybe you could write a letter to your mum telling her how you don’t always mean the way things come out and that you would like your relationship with her to be better. You might also find it helpful to read about controlling your anger.

There seems to be a lot going on for you at the moment and it’s important to know that you don’t have to go through this all alone. We have more information about Family relationships. You might also want to check out what other people are saying about things at home on the message boards.

ChildLine counsellors are also there to listen to you if you should ever need them. You can call for free on 0800 11 11, send an email and have a 1-2-1 chat via the website.

Take care,

Need help straight away?

You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.

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