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To Sam

After adoption

I'm 14 and I'm adopted , my birth mum loves me and sends letters all the time , I want to live with her when I'm 18 and go to university where she lives , she wants that too , but I'm worried about my adoptive parents feelings . I will always appreciate everything they have done but I have always dreamed of my birth mum and we both love eachother so much , what do I do ? Move out at 18 ? Discuss with my adoptive parents now ?  I'm worried about hurting them and them feeling abandoned but I want my birth mum more than anything in the world ! please reply with advise I can't ink of anything else x
Ask Sam



I think it's great that you know what you want to do. At 18, you will be legally allowed to move out and live with your birth mum. You don’t say whether your adoptive parents are aware of how you feel about your birth mum, but it seems like they know she writes to you regularly and therefore know you are in contact with her. 

Moving out will be something your adopted parents will have to come to terms with, but you are clearly grateful for what they have done for you. Maybe you could be honest and open with them and tell them how grateful you are, but also how you feel about your birth mum. 

You are not due to go to university for a few years, and from what you have said it seems that you are not thinking of living with mum until this time. You have a while to talk this over and think about how you will do it. 

If you are able to let your adoptive parents know how strongly you feel, perhaps you can all work together to achieve what you want. At some point in the future, maybe this could be something that you, your birth mum and your adoptive parents could sit down and discuss. It is your future, and I think it's really good that you're thinking about it.

How you feel is very important. You've told me that you love your birth mother very much and want to be with her more than anything else in the world. Because you have such strong feelings about her, I think it's important that you talk about it. ChildLine is always here for you if you need to talk - you can call on 0800 1111, send an email or log on for a 1-2-1 chat.

Take care,

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