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To Sam

What should I do?

i'm a 14 year old boy, and i met this guy on online who i really like but he's 17. when he asked me how old i was i told him 16 because thats the legal age in the uk, turns out he's from france and i checked online that the legal age for concent is 15 years old there. Although im 14 im going to be 15 in a few months, should i wait till then to tell him even though i hate that i've lied to him now since i really like him and eventually want to meet him. I know its illegal to do stuff with him but we seem to have alot in common and we both seem to have feelings for eachother. Should i carry on talking to him until i'm 15 then meet him in france if i go there on holiday? Is the age gap that big that he'll care too much about it and stop talking to me or do you think he will be okay with it?

Hope you reply soon,


Ask Sam



Meeting someone online can be exciting but it can also be very dangerous. In the same way that this guy didn’t know you are a little younger than you have told him, you can’t know that he is not a lot older than he has suggested. We can never really know who we are talking to when we meet an online stranger.

You’re wondering whether the age gap is big and whether he will care too much. Although you will soon be 15, if he is telling the truth about his own age that could mean that this guy is soon to be 18. It’s important to remember that everyone is ready for different things at different times.

You might want to think about how you would be feeling if you’d told him your real age and everything was out in the open and also and how you might feel if the lie continues. It sounds like you feel a little stuck right now but it will help if you think about where you want this relationship to go. If you want it to last, you’ll need to tell him your real age at some point. The longer you put that off, the harder it will get.

You haven’t mentioned whether any adults that you trust are aware of your online relationship. If you ever do decide to meet someone you’ve been speaking to online, meeting up in a public place and telling other people where you are going and who you are meeting are important things to do to help keep you safe.

We have lots of pages about Online safety. Also Thinkuknow is a great website for people age 14+ giving lots of information around online relationships and safety.

You mentioned knowing it was illegal to do stuff with him. Having age restrictions in place is important to keep us safe. Laws are there to protect young people. Even though the age of consent might be 15 in France it’s really important to always be sure of what you feel ready for. There is no wrong or right time in any relationship for a couple to have sex, however you should both feel completely comfortable with each other and be able to trust each other.

At the moment this guy doesn’t know that you are legally under age for these kinds of things. That could put him in trouble legally. If you are honest with him about your age then he can make a clear decision about how he feels about it. Nobody can really know how he will react and what he will feel apart from himself.

This sounds like a complicated time for you. You’re always welcome to talk to a counsellor at ChildLine about what’s been happening and how its making you feel. Counsellors are available 24 hours a day you can contact by calling free on 0800 1111 or by logging on for a 1-2-1 chat (like instant messenger).

I hope this helps.

Take care,

Need help straight away?

You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.

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