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what can i do??

hi sam , im S* and my boyfriend is L*. im 14 and hes turning 15 soon. we've had an on and off relationship for the last 2 years but the main reason we break up is because hes extremly pushy about sex. when i was 13 i wouldn't have sex with him so he pinned me down on the bed and tryed to make me. it probably makes me sound really stupid that im still with this guy but i love him and im afraid that if i dont do it he will leave me :'(

im mostly worryed that i will get pregnant because i 100% dont agree with abortion so i would kepe the baby and that means i will not be able to get anywere in life and if he didnt want it then i would be in big trubble because id have no way to support my self when im older.

im really afraid to do it for the first time and i gess i dont 100 % trust him. he has been violent with me in the past and im scaired that even if i asked him to he wouldn't stop. he didnt the last time he tryed to make me :'( ...

please tell me what i should do because im so confused right now :S thanks S* xx

(p.s sorry the letter is so long)

Ask Sam

Sam

Hi there,

Thank you for your letter. It sounds like you’re feeling confused about what the right thing is for you to do and about your feelings for your boyfriend. You’ve done really well to write in to get some support.

You say that your relationship is on and off and that the main reason that you break up is because he is extremely pushy about sex. I want you to know that nobody should be trying to force you into doing anything that you don’t want to. Sex should be something that you do in your own time when you feel ready for it.

I can see that you say you feel you love him and don’t want to lose him. If someone cares about you then they should respect your decisions around whether or not you feel ready to have a sexual relationship.

I’m concerned that you say that he’s been violent with you in the past and when you asked him to stop before he still tried to make you have sex. I’m not sure whether you know this but that would be considered sexual assault. If there are times that you feel in danger you can call 999 for the police.

Another thing for you to be aware of is that the legal age of consent in the UK is 16, which means under that age it is against the law to have sex.There’s also a lot more about Sex and relationships in Explore that you may be interested in taking a look at.

You say that it probably sounds stupid that you’re still with him, but I think that you’re doing really well to talk about how you’re feeling. It can be very confusing if one minute someone is being nice and caring towards you and then another minute their behaviour changes.

I think you’re being really sensible to talk about what’s going on for you and to be thinking about your options. It might seem like I’ve given you a lot of information so I’m wondering if it might be helpful to talk through your feeling some more with a ChildLine counsellor. There are several ways to do this. You can call on 0800 1111 (all calls are free and don’t show up on the bill) or by logging on to the 1-2-1 chat on the ChildLine website (it works a bit like instant messenger).

Another website that you may be interested in taking a look at is This is ABUSE, which looks at what could be considered abusive within relationships. There’s also Brook, who give advice about sex and relationships and they have a section on their website called Ready For Sex?

Don't forget, there is always someone here for you to talk to at ChildLine.

Take care,

Sam

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