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Asker

To Sam

We're dating

Well basically me and this boy, he's 19 and I'm 15, but we've been dating and I've fallen in, what I believe to be love, with him but recently he's been smoking a lot of weed and being really mean to me and I want to end it with him, but I'm scared of what will happen, I've tried to end it before but he always turns it back on me and tries to make me feel bad. What do I do?
Please, please, please I'm begging you to please help me!
Ask Sam

Sam

Hi,

Thanks for writing in to me and telling me about your relationship.

It sounds like you’ve got some really mixed feelings about your boyfriend. You’ve told me that you’ve fallen in love with him, but also that he can be so mean sometimes that you want to end it with him.

I am concerned about your relationship, and I think you have been really brave to decide to finish it. It’s not OK for your boyfriend to be really mean and I can hear that you don’t like him smoking so much weed. It also worries me that your boyfriend is 19 and you are 15. When one person in a relationship is a lot older than the other, it can make it easier for them to have too much control and power. It sounds like your boyfriend is putting a lot of pressure on you and manipulating you to stay with him, and that is not ok.

You’ve said that you want to end it with your boyfriend but that you’re too scared. Jess, you have the right to finish your relationship, no matter what your boyfriend says to you. You deserve to feel happy and supported in a relationship and it doesn’t sound like that is happening. Maybe you could take some time to think about what you’d want a relationship to be like. You could take a look at the relationships page in Explore for some more ideas.

I’m wondering if you’re worried that your boyfriend is going to try and upset you or harm you in some way if you end things? If that is the case, it’s really important that you think about keeping yourself safe when you speak to him. I’d really encourage you to talk to someone else so they can support you with this. You haven’t said whether anyone knows about your relationship with your boyfriend, maybe you could think about talking to one of the adults in your life? Together you could think the way you could break up with your boyfriend, such as ending it in a public place, over the phone, writing it in a letter etc. There is more advice about ending an abusive relationship at the website respect not fear.

It might be worth having a look at what other young people have said about their experiences of ending their relationships on the message boards. If you need to talk things through a bit more, you can always get in touch with a ChildLine counsellors. You can contact them either on a1-2-1 chat, for free on 0800 1111 or you can send an email.

Take care,

Sam

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