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To Sam

Was I Raped?

Im 16 and a few weeks back I had sex with this guy I have been speaking to for a few months when I thought things were finally progressing, however after this he didnt want anything to do with me.

I was recently at a party where there was a lot of alcohol involved and he too was there. We were both very drunk and I wanted to talk to him privately about the whole situation.

We went upstairs and I ended up crying to him about everything he had done to me. He then started to kiss me and touch me in inappropriate places while I was still crying to him.

I then tell him to get off me and that that wasn't what I wanted again. However, he continued to try to kiss me and put his hands down my skirt while I told him not to. But, he ignores me and starts to pull my knickers across and begins to have sex with me despite what I have said.

I was very drunk may I add and wasnt too sure what was actually going on, it was onoy the next day when I recalled what had happened that I realised what had happened.

I don't feel right saying I was raped because that's not the kind of person this boy is. Also I feel partly to blame due to the fact that I took him upstairs in the first place. Whats your opinion?

Ask Sam

Sam

Hi there,

Rape is sex that you don’t agree to. If you tell someone to get off you or that you don’t want to have sex, then no matter how drunk you are, or whether you’re in a relationship or not – that person should stop. If they don’t stop when you want to, then it’s rape.

If someone has made you have sex it can leave you feeling very confused, to the point where you may feel guilty for what happened. But it’s really important for you to know that what happened to you was not your fault. No one should ever make you do something you don’t want to do.

It’s best to talk to someone as soon as possible, starting with a nurse or doctor if you can, to make sure you’re okay. You can also talk confidentially with a Childline counsellor at anytime, they are there for you. If you can, have a look at or talk to rape crisis, as they have advice and support about how you might be feeling and what to do if this has happened.

You deserve to be treated with care and respect. No one has the right to hurt you in any way. If you are unhappy in a relationship with someone, talk to someone you trust about what you might do. If you decide to talk to that person or to break up with them, make sure it's in a public place and maybe take someone with you, to keep yourself safe. If you ever feel unsafe or in danger, you can call 999.

Talking about what has happened is a really brave step and I'm really glad you got in touch. I want you to know that it's not your fault and you don’t have to go through this alone.

Take care,
Sam

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