my best friend next year is going to university which im delighted aboit but the thing is that the university she is going to is in another country. i have been feeling very anxious for the past couple of days and didnt know what was causing it but now i know what makes me anxious is that she is going away, earlier she sent me a Snapchat saying shes leaving the country forever and ever and it completely broke my heart i feel like our friendship is over and I can't cope with the feeling it hurts so much and i feel like im a terrible friend for not wanting her to go to a university she wants to go to.
Sam
Hi there,
When someone goes to university it can be a big change for both them and the people around them. If you are used to having somebody around and then this changes, it can take time to get adjust. Friendships can change as you get older and live further apart, but it doesn't have to be the end of a relationship. It might take more effort from you both but a long distance friendship can work really well.
University is a time when lots of people take a first big step into the adult world. For many people it can be the first time they're on their own. They may have to think of things they never have before - like paying rent, getting around, and cooking their own food. It can be a very scary and stressful time - but also exciting.
Your friend is likely going to be feeling a big mixture of emotions and with all the preparations for moving, it might feel like your friendship is being forgotten. It's okay for people to need to focus on things going on in their own life for a while and it's important to give them space to do that. Part of being someone's friend is knowing what they need the most right now - and sometimes that might be time alone to sort things out.
The first couple of months at university can be quite hectic - getting settled in, meeting lots of new people and finding their feet. You might find that it feel like everything has changed, but it's just a busy time. For those going away to university, it’s natural that they’ll want to focus on their new home for the next few years and make the most of their time there. It’s important to remember this if you feel like they’ve forgotten you.
Given time, your friendship will continue and adapt. It's good to look at this as the start of a new chapter in your friendship, not the end of it. There are positives to someone moving away - if you go travelling, they’re a friendly face in an unfamiliar place. Keep in touch with each other, visit when you can and you'll find that the things that made you good friends in the first place will still be there.
Childline has some advice about how to cope with missing your friends. If you want to talk to someone about how you’re feeling, and get some more advice, Childline counsellors are always here to listen.
I hope this has helped, take care.
Sam
Need help straight away?
You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.
Ask me a question
You can ask me about anything you want, there's nothing too big or small. I read every single letter but I can only answer a few each week. My replies are published here on my page.
