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To Sam

Under appreciated and inexperienced

Hi sam, I'm 14 years old and I've come to the realisation that most people in my year (year 9) and even in the years below have had sex, or other sexual things like fingering, hand jobs ect

I have only gone as far as a snog and I've barely done that. I'm in no rush to lose my virginity or do sexual things but I sometimes feel that I need to so boys are attracted to me? I'm very insecure about my weight and my appearance so that's also a large factor in why I can't keep a guy. Im very scared that if I do sexual things though I'll be bad at it? Please help. Very mixed emotions.

Ask Sam


Hello there,

It’s okay to take your time and develop your feelings about sex in your own way and time. It should always be your choice when you want to take things further and although it might feel like there’s a lot of pressure to have sex, it isn’t everything. You should look at what qualities you most want in a partner and aim for that.

If you’re not feeling ready to lose your virginity then perhaps what you’re looking for in a boyfriend is not someone who would just want to have sex with you or who is interested only in looks.

Relationships are often much more than sex and maybe you could focus on the things you do like about yourself and that you want others to be attracted to.

You could also consider the reasons you’re not in a rush to lose your virginity in the first place. Perhaps this will help you understand what it is that make you feel like you have to please others.

Insecurities and general concerns about ourselves can leave us feeling as though we are different from others or sometimes not good enough. Low self-esteem shows in different ways from one person to the next and it can be useful to understand what makes you feel a certain way.

Remember that learning to care about yourself first is a big step forwards. It’s easier to see the best in someone who already sees it in themselves.

Take care of yourself,

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