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To Sam

Uncomfortable

Hi Sam, I'm here to ask you, is he harassing me?
I'm the most mature out of everyone in my class, in a way of visible body structure. I'm already on my period, and I wear a bra, in which he and the girls in my class know. He's a boy I kind of have a thing for, and everybody else notices that, even the teacher. But he seems to be talking dirty, and looking at my breasts. I even asked him about it before, I'm very outgoing, but is it okay for an 11 year old, in year 6 to be saying and thinking things like this?
Ask Sam

Sam

Hi there,

Thanks you for your letter and for telling me about what’s happening at the moment.

From what you’ve told me it sounds like you like this boy, and have some feelings for him. At the same time, it sounds like his behaviour is making you feel uncomfortable. It is not ok for him or anyone else to make you feel uncomfortable by talking dirty to you or looking at your breasts. You’ve told me that you’ve talked to him about it before, but it sounds like he has carried on anyway. If someone keeps doing something that makes you uncomfortable, then this is harassment. Harassment is a form of bullying, and it needs to stop. You have the right to feel safe and comfortable at school. If someone likes you, then they should be able to say nice things about you in a way that feels safe, not threatening.

You’ve asked if 11 year olds should be saying and thinking things like this. People will start fancying other people at different ages. It’s natural to start noticing other people’s bodies when you’re going through puberty however sharing those thoughts with other people can make them feel uncomfortable. Part of growing up is about learning what is ok to share and what you need to keep to yourself.

If you feel like you’ve already clearly told this boy that you don’t like the things he says and does, the next step might be to ask an adult for some help. You could start keeping a record, where you write down what he told you and when. Then you could use that to help you explain what’s happening to a trusted adult (like your teacher, or parents). They should take it seriously and help explain to this boy why he needs to stop.

Remember, you have not done anything wrong. It is ok to like someone and to think about them, but at this same time it is important to feel comfortable when you are around them. Take a look at our relationships page in the Explore section for more information about relationships.

If you would like to talk about this more you can always talk to ChildLine counsellor, by calling 0800 1111 (free from any phone), logging in for a 1-2-1 chat or sending an email.

Take care,

Sam

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