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To Sam

Two people I don’t want to lose

Hi Sam. Recently I’ve just gotten into a relationship with a guy that I really like but I don’t want a relationship at my age (15). I also find it really hard to reject someone, even though I like them I just don’t want a serious relationship but then again I’d hate to lose him (he is also friends with someone who I think took advantage of me when I was drunk). The bigger problem is that there is someone else that I’m falling for, hard, even though I’m dating the first person, I don’t know how to tell either of them because I know if I do I’ll lose both of them. I hate the idea of “emotionally cheating” on an innocent person. I’m sorry this is all a bit of a mess written down. I just have no idea what to do anymore, I have nobody to go to.

Ask Sam

Sam

Hi there,

Relationships can sometimes feel confusing and you might feel attracted to 2 people at the same time.

Dating someone often means you’ll both decide to not date anyone else while you’re in the relationship. It’s okay to think about other people when you’re seeing someone and it’s normal to feel attracted to more than 1 person at a time. It doesn’t mean you’re being unfaithful or that you think less of the person you’re in a relationship with.

When you like 2 people at the same time it can be difficult to decide who you want to be with. Often it helps to think about who you feel most comfortable with and who treats you with respect and as an equal. In a healthy relationship you should feel valued and that your decisions are taken seriously. Falling for someone can feel exciting but the feeling might not last, especially if you’ve little in common or you don’t feel at ease when you’re together.

It’s important for you and your partner to be open with each other about how you feel so that you both know whether or not you want to continue to see each other. Sometimes you might stay in a relationship to avoid hurting the other person or because you don’t want to be alone but if you don’t want to be together it’s likely to make you both unhappy in the long run. Even though it might feel difficult, it’s often better to end the relationship so you can both move on.

I'm sorry to hear about what happened with your boyfriend's friend. No one should take advantage of you when you’ve been drinking alcohol. You’re not able to consent to sex if you’re not fully aware of what’s happening, like if you’ve passed out or you’ve fallen asleep because you’ve taken alcohol or drugs. Not being able to remember what happened can feel scary and if you think you’ve been sexually assaulted it’s important to talk to an adult you trust and to get medical help if you have any injuries, or if you might be at risk of pregnancy or sexually transmitted infections.

Being sexually assaulted can affect how safe you feel for a long time afterwards but support is available. It can help to talk about what happened and how it’s affecting you now with a rape crisis counsellor or one of our Childline counsellors.

Thank you for your letter and take care.

Sam

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