Ask Sam letter


To Sam


I have a lot of friends. Thing is, I don't have friends like other people do, I find it hard to confide and trust them. They tend not to like that. But I just can't help it. I prefer keeping stuff to myself, being alone. Is that bad?
Ask Sam


Hi there,

Thanks for your message.

It sounds like you’re questioning whether your relationship with your friends is normal. It’s important to remember that we’re all individuals and how we behave with friends is totally unique to us. There are no set rules on what friendships should be like, so if you are happy with your friends then that’s what counts. You may have some friends that you feel closer to than others and that’s OK too.

When you say that you prefer keeping stuff to yourself and being alone perhaps it’s worth asking yourself whether there’s anything that you would actually like to share. If you did feel like you wanted to open up to a friend then trust is important. From what you have mentioned it sounds like you find it hard to trust and confide in your friends.  Time can help with this, as we don’t generally trust people automatically. You haven’t mentioned how long you have known your current group of friends. Perhaps after spending more time getting to know them you might feel more ready to try putting your trust in them with a few things.

Sometimes talking about your fears can help your friends to get a better understanding of what you would like your relationship to be like. If you don’t feel like you can say this to all your friends, then maybe think about sharing how you feel with just one friend to start with.

You may find the information in Explore about Friendships useful. Our Message boards can provide you with more advice from young people. You might also like to have a go at our Friendship Quiz.

Childline counsellors are also here if you want to talk some more about this. You can contact us either through Email, 1-2-1 chat or our freephone number 0800 1111. 

I hope this helps.

Take care,


Need help straight away?

You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.

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