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To Sam

Transphobic and Homophobic Parents

I writing for some advice. I came out a year ago to my parents as bisexual and transgender, everything went brilliantly. I have recently go into a relationship at college with a wonderful boy called Alfie, he is well aware of me being transgender and has assured me he couldn't care less what is in my pants because he cares more about whats in my head and heart, i know he's such a sweetheart isn't he. The problem arises when he tells he parents about me. From what I understand his parents were not happy when finding out he was gay and said that "being gay will ruin your life and you will never get friends or a job" however managed to push it to the side and "ignore" his sexuality. When he told them he had a boyfriend these kinds of a opinions were drawn back up but it came worse when they found out i was trans after stalking my instagram and facebook and reading my blog. They then began referring to me as "she" and "it" as well as telling Alfie he could not date me because he is gay and i am a woman, they also continued to scream at him about how i was a freak and therefore so was he, he could not speak for he was crying so much and they would not let him squeeze in a word between them spouting abuse. They also mentioned that he cannot be gay because he doesn't fit the stereotype of being overly feminine as well as suggesting that I dot not pass because I m not feminine. 7 months ago i broke free from a highly verbally abusive partner whose parents were similar to this but definitely not on this level, although i am in a much stronger place now i do not want to risk landing myself back in the position of feeling guilty for who I am. Do you have any advice for me specifically and for me to pass onto my boyfriend?

Thank you,

Ethan x

Ask Sam


Hi there,

For many people, coming out can be a really positive experience. It’s great to hear that your experience was like this, but unfortunately this doesn’t always mean everyone you meet will be as supportive.

Your boyfriend deciding to tell his parents about his sexuality and having a partner seems like a big step for him. So it was probably very hurtful for him to experience that kind of reaction from them. Both you and your boyfriend’s sexuality are an important part of your identity, and you should be able to choose to share that part of yourself with others, without being judged or rejected. You have every right to be true to yourself and to be accepted for this.

Unfortunately, as you have found, sometimes people can react in a negative way to things that they might not understand. Some people use words to deliberately hurt and upset others. Whereas some might not realise that what they say can have a huge impact on people.

The way his parents are behaving towards him, and to you, is homophobic bullying, and it is wrong. It’s not okay for anyone to treat someone differently because of their sexuality.

Some people will make assumptions on other people's sexuality based on their appearance. People might use stereotypes, and often they will be wrong. There is no right or wrong way to be. The most important thing is that you're comfortable with who you are. Having the confidence to know that and to be yourself takes courage, and it can take time, but it is possible.

Having support around you can help you to feel less isolated and more confident and if anyone ever feels bullied or harassed because of their gender and sexuality, then it's important to tell someone about it – everyone deserves support when things become difficult.

There are organisations who can help, such as Stonewall, who offer support for young LGBT people under the age of 19. There is also a strong community on the Childline messageboards and you will find support there from other young people who share their own experiences.

Remember that Childline is always here if you need support too.

Take care,


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