Ask Sam letter


To Sam

This new guy

So I'm talking to this guy and I can definitely see us getting together shortly the only problem is he's not a virgin and I am and I'm super scared I mean I feel like when the times right il know, I'm not worried about him pressuring me or anything like that I'm just scared that when the time comes I won't be any good at it .. Should I tell him I'm a virgin ? 
Ask Sam


Hi there,

Starting a sexual relationship is a big decision to take. Sexual relationships should only happen if it's something both people definitely want to do.

You don't need to have sexual experience to enjoy having sex. If you feel able to talk this through with him it could really help him understand how nervous you are and may help to make your experience feel special.

It's good to hear that the guy you are talking to will not pressure you into doing anything you don't want to do. Nobody has the right to force you or pressure you into doing something you don't want to do.

It is important to talk, as when the time is right you need to understand what each of you want from a physical relationship. Talking about what you want the relationship to be like and what your worries are will give both of you a chance to get things out in the open. After all, there may be things he is worried about that he hasn’t said yet.

There are also important things like contraception to talk about. These are conversations that are best had before you begin to have a sexual relationship.

We have some really useful information about sex and relationships. You might also want to look at the message boards to read other young people’s questions and advice about sex.

Well done for taking a mature approach to this and remember that you can talk it through further with a ChildLine counsellor by calling 0800 1111, sending an email or by logging on for a 1-2-1 chat.

Thank you once more for writing to me.

Take care,

Need help straight away?

You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.

Ask me a question

You can ask me about anything you want, there's nothing too big or small.

Write me a letter