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The Boy Really Likes Me...

Dear Sam,

I'm 12... The thing is, is that there's this boy and he really likes me... I didn't know him that well, we talked to each other and met each other a couple of times before, he's just such a lovely person. We have spoken on inbox for a while and we're now quite close friends. Young love, I know!

Only recently did he inbox me asking if I would go out with him! He said that I was really pretty, cute, had the perfect personality, and all those things that would absolutely flatter a girl! But the thing is, my friend who's a girl is best friends with this boy and she keeps telling me to say no.

The thing is, the boy really likes me, and he says he wants to get to know me more and everything. He's so nice and he makes me happy. But my friend just doesn't agree with any of it. She keeps telling me that I should say no, no, no, no! That I shouldn't ignore him and be a b*tch (she actually said that to me), and if I didn't say no she would say it to him for me.

I'm really fed up with her now, and I don't know what to say to him because of her - but I'm not asking you on what answer I should give him so don't worry! Does she sound a bit jealous to you or is that just me?

I want to talk to my mum about this whole boyfriend situation, and my friend really annoying me, but the last time I was asked out, I said yes and told her about it. She said she was disappointed in me and that I was too young to be in a relationship; so from then onwards (until this day) I just didn't/don't tell her about boyfriends and kept/keep them secret.

I want to tell her, but I know I can't. This is so diffucult! It's not really something that is upsetting me it's just complicated, and I just wanted some advice from someone who is probably more experienced than me considering I am only 12.

I know that this is all mixed up between my mum, my friend and this boy and it sounds really confusing, but I just really need some good advice to follow. You sound like you give good advice on anything from reading your answers... This whole thing probably sounds so pathetic, but, oh well...

Please help!

Thanks so much Sam,

Ask Sam

Sam

Hello,

Thank you for writing to me.

After reading your letter I can hear that you’re really confused about what to do. It sounds like you want to say “yes” to the boy who asked you out, but your friend (his best friend) doesn’t want this to happen.

It is important that you feel able to be yourself with your friends. A good friend should respect your right to make your own choices, instead of expecting you to do things just to fit in with other people. Friends should be there for each other and support each another with things that are important to them. From what you’ve said, you don’t feel like this girl is doing that at the moment.

You asked me if I think your friend is jealous. I can’t really answer that, because only she can know for sure what she’s feeling. There could be a number of reasons that she doesn’t want this relationship to happen. She may feel worried that she’ll be pushed out of her friendship with both of you, she may want a relationship with him for herself, or she may just feel that he’s not the right person for you. She might even be worried that he won’t treat you right.

You didn’t mention if you’ve asked your friend why she doesn’t want you to have a relationship with him. Perhaps you could try being really honest with her about how much you like him. That might encourage her to tell you how she really feels about the situation. If that makes you suspect that she does feel jealous of you, you might find it useful to read the advice about jealousy in Explore.

You mentioned that you’d like to talk to your mum but that you don’t feel you can, in case she’s disappointed again. I’m wondering if your mum might be more upset if she finds out about this boy by accident, instead of hearing it from you? Keeping a relationship secret can be really hard work, as well as being unhealthy. It’s really normal for relationships to have both good time and bad times, so if you decide to give things a go with this boy, it would be good for you to have support from your mum. Perhaps you could write your mum a letter letting her know you would really like her help with what you’re going through. If she knows you want to hear her point of view, she might feel more willing to talk things over.

You might also like to have a chat with a ChildLine counsellor, by calling 0800 1111 or logging in for a 1-2-1 chat.

Take care

Sam

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