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To Sam

Telling my crush the truth

I am wondering how long I should wait before I tell my crush that I have a crush on her. I have had this crush on a girl for just over a year now. The problem is that I can't even help having a crush on her. She is just so hot and really nice, and I've never talked to her because I'm really shy even though I have a class with her. A few months ago I started noticing that she might of been noticing me staring at her because I had heard that this she noticed this guy looking at her and felt bad for him. I felt so bad and I cried a few times in private. I soon told one of my friends about her and she told my crush to talk to me. I eventually went up to her and she seemed really nice to me . It probaly seems strange to her because I looked at only her, then I went up to only her. I've talked to her one other time but neither converstation lasted more than 2-3 minutes. Should I talk to her more before I tell her or tell her now.

Ask Sam


Hi there

Having a crush on someone means that you feel attracted to them, even if you’ve never met them or don’t know them very well. Sometimes your feelings can last for a long time and you might admire your crush from a distance and feel unsure whether to tell them how you feel.

There are lots of reasons for being attracted to someone else -  you might like how they look, their personality or their abilities. When you have a crush you might find you think about them a lot, imagine spending time with them or fantasise about your future together. The intense feelings can sometimes give you unrealistic expectations about them and you might see them as being almost perfect or out of your reach.

Sometimes building your confidence and self-esteem can make you feel less anxious about talking to your crush, especially if you’re worried about their reaction. Your crush can seem unavailable or unapproachable if you’ve built them up in your mind to be someone very special or better than you. Sometimes knowing that a relationship won’t or can’t happen can be part of the attraction. You might feel safer liking them from a distance without having to take the risk of feeling vulnerable by saying how you feel or risk being rejected.

Often there’s no way of knowing how they feel without talking to your crush but it’s probably better to start with hello and short friendly chats to help you to get to know them better. Telling them how you feel might be unexpected for them if you’ve not spent much time together and you can decide whether to tell them about your feelings or not when you both feel more comfortable with each other. You might find that you have lots in common or very few or no things that you both like and that can help you to work out how well matched you are.

It’s important to remember that your crush might not be interested in a relationship or a friendship. If that’s the case you’ll need to respect their decision. You might feel upset but remember that they have the right to decide who they have relationship with and it isn’t personal.

There are lots of different types of crushes and it’s not always about having a relationship. Your crush might be someone you don’t know like a celebrity or someone else you know but who isn’t available. Sometimes it wouldn’t be okay for your crush to develop into a relationship, like when your crush is an adult who works with you - like your teacher, sports coach or therapist.

I hope this advice has helped and you can talk more about this or anything else that’s worrying you can talk to a counsellor at Childline.

Take care,


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