Ask Sam letter

Hi there,

You’ve done really well to get in touch with me. Lots of young people feel curious about sex and look at porn to see what it’s all about. 

Porn doesn’t show what sex is really like. If people think that things that happen in porn are the things expected in a relationship, it can lead to some people feeling as though they’re supposed to behave in the same way as the porn actors do. This isn’t true at all. Sex is a very personal thing and when people decide they feel ready to have sex it’s important for partners to talk to each other about what they feel comfortable with and what they want to and don’t want to do. 

You said that you want to stop watching the porn. It might help to think about your reasons for carrying on looking at it. Maybe there are some things about sex that you want to know. That’s completely normal and ChildLine counsellors can talk with you about sex and how you feel. You could also look at our online porn page for advice and information about porn.

There are lots of reasons why people watch porn. Some people watch it to get sexual pleasure from what they see. Some people might decide to watch it if they feel bored. Whatever your reason is, if you don’t want to see it, there are things you can do to protect yourself from it. You can change the security settings on your internet access, or ask an adult to help you with this. You can make a list of things you’d rather do instead of watching porn and then when you’re thinking of looking at porn again, you can choose something else to do from your list.

Please remember that there’s always somebody who can be there for you. If you want to talk, you can speak to a counsellor at ChildLine, or you could talk to other young people about what’s on your mind if you go to our message boards.

I’m really glad that you felt able to write to me about this. I think that there could be other young people in your situation and seeing your letter might have helped them too.

Take care,
Sam