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To Sam

Struggling relationship

Hi :) so i think i’m pregnant and my boyfriend is saying if i keep it he’s leaving, if i tell my mum i’d get kicked out. but then if i get rid of it i wouldn’t be able to live with myself. i already suffer from anxiety and depression , but my boyfriend is 16 and i’m 14 and he is very controlling. if i talk to other boys OR girls he has a go and threatens to leave, he guilt trips me into doing stuff, when i’m at school if i don’t reply fast enough he threatens to kill himself, he’s making me block all boys on all social media even family and it’s rather hard to deal with as when i was 12 i was raped and i struggle trusting people anyway and i just need help i guess 😔

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Sam

Hi there,

Making the right decision for you can be difficult if your partner controls what you do or makes you feel uncomfortable. Someone can try to control you by the things they do and you might not realise what’s happening, especially if you’re made to feel guilty or worried.

An abusive relationship is where your partner tries to make you do what they want and behaves in ways that make it difficult to disagree or stand up to them. They might use violence, shouting or threaten they’ll end the relationship or harm themselves. You might notice they tell you what to do and who you can talk to. They might also try to make you do things you don’t want to and make you feel bad or unhappy if you don’t do what they say.

You have the right to choose what’s best for you no matter how big or small the decision you need to make. That means you can decide when or if to answer a message, who you friend on social media and what you do if you’re pregnant. You have the right to make your own decisions about your future and who you spend your time with.

It’s wrong for anyone to try and isolate you from other people or to make you feel responsible for how they feel. No one should make you feel guilty, worried or that what you want isn’t important.

You might feel stressed if your partner puts you under pressure to pick up their messages and to reply quickly. You should feel comfortable replying at your own pace. In a healthy relationship both you and your partner will respect each other’s priorities and give the other person the space and time they need to do other things.

Remember: you're not responsible for anyone else’s behaviour, even if they tell you that you are. If someone threatens to harm or kill themselves you can tell a trusted adult so they can get the help they need to be safe. If it’s an emergency you can call 999.

It can be difficult to make an important decision when your confidence has been affected by an abusive relationship, you have anxiety and depression or have been abused  in the past. It can help to talk through what you want to do with a counsellor at Childline. They can support you to make the right choices for you and help with anything else that’s worrying you.

Thank you for writing to me. I hope this advice has helped.

Take care,

Sam

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