Ask Sam letter


To Sam


my friend is worried because a guy has added her on a website so she accepted he has been sending her 'sexts' she dosent ignore him she answers back this is the same friend that self harms i dont know what to do should i stay out of it and what could it lead to please write soon !!!!!! p.s shes 11 and he's 40
Ask Sam


Hi there

Thank you for taking the time to write to me. I can hear that you are really concerned about what's happening to your friend online. I think it's great that you are looking out for her and that you want to help keep her safe.

You’ve asked me what this online chat could lead to. I am very worried that your friend could be at risk of being attacked by this man if she meets him, or pressured into doing things she doesn’t want to do. It is completely wrong for a 40 year old man to be sending “sexts” to an 11 year old girl and he will know that he should not be doing it. You sound surprised that your friend doesn’t just ignore his messages. The counsellors at ChildLine tell me that adults like him are often very good at tricking young people into feeling ok about talking to them online. What’s happening is not your friend’s fault and she should not be in any trouble for this.

I can see that you’re not sure whether to get involved. Some things are too big to keep to yourself, even if your friend doesn’t want you to tell anyone. If nobody knows what is happening, it could lead to your friend being seriously hurt, scared or upset by him. I can also hear how much stress this is causing you, and you shouldn’t have to cope with this by yourself. There are people you can talk to, who you feel most comfortable talking to would be up to you - a teacher at school, or even your parents/guardians could help you. You could also think about reporting this man to CEOP, who work with the police to help protect young people from being harmed by others online. Remember if you ever feel anyone is in immediate danger, you can dial 999 for help

For more information about online safety you can take a look at CEOP’s website. Maybe your friend can look at this with you. There is a section on their website where you could report your worries about this man. There is also some useful information on the Explore pages of ChildLine website about sexting and the possible dangers of this.

You may like some help with the choices you are trying to make, and it may be helpful to talk it through with a ChildLine counsellor, either on the free phone number (0800 1111) or by logging on for a 1-2-1 chat. They won’t tell you exactly what to do, but they will talk through different options you might have. You could even encourage your friend to talk to ChildLine herself.

Thanks again for writing to me.

Take care,


Need help straight away?

You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.

Ask me a question

You can ask me about anything you want, there's nothing too big or small. I read every single letter but I can only answer a few each week. My replies are published here on my page.

Write me a letter