Ask Sam letter


To Sam

Slight problem. What should I do?

Well, it's a bit of a complicated story but here goes. So last year when I was sixteen I wasn't having a very good time and my self esteem was pretty low. Anyway. I had this friend who is a boy and he was fourteen. I'd known him for a long time. Somehow we ended up having sex like four or five times. (Yup told u it was complicated)

Anyhow that was a year ago and I don't want anything more to do with me cos I'm well aware that he used me. But he keeps asking me to have sex with him again. He is threatening to report me for raping him (for the previous times cos I was 16 so technically what I did was wrong) if I don't. Can he actually do that? What would happen if he does? Should I just sleep with him again (I don't want to and it would disgust me)? But doing it again won't make the first times right! What should I do?

Ask Sam


Hi there,

Relationships and sex can be tricky. Sometimes it's really difficult to have a straightforward break and move on, particularly when feelings have been hurt. Sometimes one person may find it harder than the other.

It’s important to remember that you have a choice about whether you want to be a part of any relationship. It’s never okay for anyone to force or pressure you to do anything you don't want to do.

Just because you’ve slept with someone before doesn't mean you have to sleep with them again. Your body is your own. It’s never okay for anyone to threaten you into sexual favours regardless of what your relationship might have been like in the past. This is called sexual abuse and is not acceptable.

I can understand you feeling concerned about him saying that he may report you for having had sex with someone below the legal age of 16. However him blackmailing you into continuing to sleep with him goes against your rights. That means that you would be able to report him for this. What he is doing is also a type of emotional abuse.

Remember that continuing to sleep with him simply does not guarantee that he will stop. He may ask for more and more sexual favours if he sees that his threats work.

You could explain how all of this is making you feel to this boy. Telling someone how you feel doesn’t always change a situation but it can help you to feel more heard and understood. It may be worth considering what you would like him to know about what his threats are like for you.

There are trusted adults to protect you and help you break free from this. Think about an adult you could trust and what it might be like asking them for help. It’s also important to save the messages sent between you and the boy. Maybe you could keep a diary of what is said, when and how it makes you feel. Showing this to someone can help create a clear picture of what has happened and how you can be kept safe.

No matter what happens, you can always talk things through with a ChildLine counsellor who can support you. Talking about it is a really brave and important first step in getting support.

I hope some of this helps,

Take care,

Need help straight away?

You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.

Ask me a question

You can ask me about anything you want, there's nothing too big or small. I read every single letter but I can only answer a few each week. My replies are published here on my page.

Write me a letter