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To Sam

should i tell my mum im gay and what im planning before meeting my boyfriend for the first time?

hi im gay and im meeting my boyfriend next month ( i have never met him before ) problem is my mum doesnt know im gay i have been going out with my boyfriend for 2 half months and he now wants to meet we are not planning sex but if it happens then theres no worry we will only be meeting for 3 hours as he lives a long way away so will not have much time im a virgin he is too and we both fell ready for sex but as im only young should i tell my mum that im meeting up with this boy?x
Ask Sam


Hi there,

thanks for your message and its great you have decided to get in touch to have a think about what might be best for you.

It sounds like you feel things are going well with your boyfriend and would like to take things further and meet up, this sounds like it will be a big step for you, so it is important to think it through and decide what might be the be best thing for you.

When deciding whether to tell your mum, it might be helpful to think about things which might affect your future relationship with her. Things like how well you normally get along with her, and how you think she might react. What do you think she would say about you meeting up with your boyfriend? Sometimes it can be hard to predict how people might react, but you could try to start a conversation by talking more generally about characters on TV shows or films to see what her reaction to this is like first, and then decide if talking to her might be the right thing for you to do. I’m wondering if you have talked to other people in your life about your boyfriend, and how that’s gone, so that you can think about the best way to talk to people close to you.

If you decide that you are not ready to tell your mum, it is important that you do tell someone you can trust that you are planning to meet him so that they know where you are and can help you keep safe. Perhaps there is a friend you could tell, and let them know your plans for the day, perhaps giving a friend the details of the train/coach/bus you plan to catch, where you will be going and at what times you plan to go and return. When meeting your boyfriend it’s important to make sure that the first meeting is in a public place until you are sure he is who he says he is and feel you can trust him. Perhaps a café or shopping centre would be a good place to meet. It would be helpful to make sure you take a mobile phone with you so that you can contact someone if you feel in danger, or if so that your friend or mum can contact you if you do not contact them as agreed. Whilst many people we meet online are genuine, sometimes meeting strangers can be dangerous, so it is important to be prepared, just in case. You can find out a bit more about staying safe online on the CEOP website.

You do not say how old you and your boyfriend are, but I would like you to know that the legal age of consent is 16, so this is something to consider about before making a choice to have sex, since sex when one or both of you are under 16 is illegal. When you do decide that you are ready to have sex, it’s important to take some time to talk this through with your boyfriend to talk about how you are both feeling and to make sure this is the right choice for you both, and also to talk about using protection to prevent sexually transmitted infections.

If you would like to talk this through in more detail, you can talk to a ChildLine counsellor, we don’t need to tell anyone else most things you tell us unless we are seriously concerned for yours or someone else’s safety. You can find out a bit more about this on ourconfidentiality page. You can come through for a 1-2-1 chat, send an email or  give us a call on 0800 1111, there will always be someone here to listen and help you think about the choices you have to make. 

Take care


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