Ask Sam letter

Asker

To Sam

Should I do what's right? Or wait in the Shadow's?

Hi Sam!

I'm just really confused on what to do about this boy at school...

​Everybody hates him and makes fun of him because of the way he acts. And, I won't lie, he can be really mean at times. He has a really lovely home life so I know nothing is wrong there. But it's just at school...

​He has NO friends... And even though everyone hates him, I can't help but feel sorry for him...

​But I kind of HAVE to hate him... He had mocked one of my best friends mum about his mum's blindness so since then, my friendship group really don't like him... Except I want to help...

I have taunted him a few times just to be part of the crowd but I regret it so much... I have been in a rough patch before and I know nobody deserves to feel the way I did.

​I may be naïve but I think that he could be a nice person if just had somebody there with him... But if I do help him, I will be teased and bullied as well...

​I don't know what to do.

Ask Sam

Sam

Hi there,

It can be confusing when someone is behaving in a hurtful way but you also feel sorry for them and want to help. Being kind to someone doesn’t mean that you agree with their behaviour. How someone behaves is a part of who they are and there are positives and negatives in everyone’s actions.

Fear can sometimes make it harder to walk away and not join in with bullying, especially when you are scared of being bullied too. Regretting your past behaviour or knowing what it’s like to go through a tough time yourself can sometimes motivate you to help someone else, even though you feel frightened.

Bullying can include taunting, name calling, discriminating against a relative and excluding someone. Someone who’s being bullied might feel alone and like they have no one to turn to. A group of people can target one person and sometimes that person might react by bullying back. Remember that there’s no excuse for bullying, it’s always wrong.

Everyone deserves help and support and there are different ways to help someone who is isolated and being bullied. Try being friendly and don’t join in with any bullying. You could offer to report the bullying or encourage them to speak to a trusted adult.

Understanding what it might be like for someone else and trying to see things from their point of view is called empathy. Noticing that someone might be feeling sad or lonely can help you to understand them better. It won’t change the fact that they’ve been unkind to other people but it can help you to see them as a person not just by what they do.

If you’ve joined in with bullying in the past you could apologise to that person. Let them know that you’re sorry for what you did and that you’ve made a decision to not bully anyone again. They might accept or reject your apology but either way you’ll have faced up to your part in things and made a commitment to act differently in the future.

Thank you for your letter. Remember that you can talk to a Childline counsellor more about this or anything else that is worrying you.

Take care,

Sam

Need help straight away?

You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.

Ask me a question

You can ask me about anything you want, there's nothing too big or small.

Write me a letter