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To Sam

Should I break up with him?

I'm in a relationship, but I'm not sure about being with the guy I'm with. He calls me non-stop, drags me around, follows me every where, and doesn't let me spend time with my friends. He lies to my family, moans at them, says snide comments about them, and he swears a lot. Because of him, I can't spend time with my real friends. I want to break up with him, but I still love him. Please tell me what I should do.
XOXOXO
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Sam

Hi there,

Thank you for your letter, I can see how much you’ve been thinking about your relationship with this boy and how mixed your feelings are towards him.

It’s important to remember that relationships can mean a lot of different things to different people, but that the most important thing is how you feel when you’re in it. Everybody in a relationship has the right to feel safe and respected by their partner. If you're not treated like this, then it's not ok.

It’s good for a partner to be interested in your life, but it sounds like your boyfriend is taking this much too far. Many of the things he is doing could actually be considered to be abusive. It sounds like your boyfriend’s behaviour has cut your off from your friends and your family and I imagine that feels quite lonely.

I can see how much you love your boyfriend, but also how difficult things can be when you’re with him. You always have the choice about whether you’re in a relationship with someone. Sometimes there can be a lot of different things that make it feel like a really hard choice - whether that’s because of how you feel, or even because of practical reasons. But it’s important to think about what those things are and what support you can get to help you overcome them.

There’s some good information about healthy relationships on the domestic violence page in Explore. I’d really suggest going to the bottom of the page and clicking the question, “Is my relationship with my girlfriend or boyfriend abusive?” and reading through what it has to say. Another site you could visit is the This is Abuse website. This has loads of different resources, videos and information on what is and isn’t ok in a relationship, as well as what you can do when you feel like the things that are happening aren’t okay.

Lastly, I think it would be brilliant if you spoke to a ChildLine counsellor about what’s been happening. ChildLine won’t judge you or your relationship, and they’re not there to tell you what to do. What they can do though is talk through with you how things have been and help you to think about whether you want to stay in the relationship.

Whatever you want to happen, ChildLine can help you to decide what would be best to do next. ChildLine is there 24 hours a day, 7 days a week and you can talk to them by email, online through the 1-2-1 chat or by calling for free on 0800 1111.

Take care,

Sam

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