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sexually harassed

hey sam everyone seems to be harassing me lately. Im J* and im 13 years old. Lately a few things have changed... 1. my dad's best friend has been flirting with me and stuff and being sexually suggestive, like squeezing my arse, telling me im beautiful and winking at me and the other day he even asked me if i was interested in having sex in exchange for money. Theres nothing i can do because my dad drinks a lot and might get angry and lash out. HELP! Also, i've been having sexual urges for my sisters boyfriend who is 15. My sister is in love with him but the other day he forced me to do sexual things but not intnercourse. Im scared of telling her because she'll think im jealous and she'll think im trying to hurt her. I feel aweful. Also recently i havent been eating and i havent had a period in 3 months also my form tutor threatens me alot... i dont think shes serious but its still worrying and scary she does it to other people too but particularly me. HELP!!!!
Ask Sam

Sam

Hi there J*,

Thanks for your letter telling me what is going on for you at the moment.

I am concerned that your dad’s best friend is behaving towards you in an inappropriate way: flirting, being sexually suggestive and encouraging you to have sex in exchange for money. How your dad's friend is behaving towards you is wrong.  Nobody has the right to make you do things that you don’t want to do and it's really important that you never do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable. Your dad’s friend is an adult and you are under 16, this means that it would be illegal for him to have any form of sexual contact with you. I want you to know that you have done nothing wrong and are not in any trouble. You say that there is nothing you can do about this because if your dad knew he might get angry and lash out.  I’m wondering if there is any other adult you trust who you could talk to about this?

You say that you have sexual urges for your sister’s boyfriend and that you have been involved in doing sexual things with him, which you say he forced you to do. It feels like you want to tell your sister what her boyfriend has been doing, but are worried that she will think you encouraged him and that you did it to hurt her because she is in love with him. I’m wondering what will happen if you do nothing to alert your sister to the way her boyfriend is behaving?  You might like to post a message on the ChildLine message boards. This is where young people encourage and support each other and give feedback.

When you say you haven’t been eating, I’m wondering if this might be a way you have found to help you cope with all that is going on for you.  It's really important to eat a balanced healthy diet - you can find out more about this on the NHS 5 a day website. If you are worried about not eating it might be a good idea to get checked out by your GP or speak to the school nurse about it if you have one. 

You mention that you haven’t had a period in 3 months.  Periods being missed can be a sign of pregnancy, but can also be a sign of other problems.  I think it would be a good idea to get this checked out by a doctor or a nurse.

You also talk about your form tutor threatening you a lot and although you don’t think she is serious, you are worried and feel scared.  I want you to know that your school has a duty to protect you and provide you with a safe place where you can learn and develop without being scared or worried. Maybe you could talk to another teacher in your school about your relationship with your form tutor to see if they can help you sort things out.

It feels like there are a lot of things going on for you at the moment and it's difficult to give you the support you might like in this response. So I would like to encourage you to contact ChildLine either on free phone number 0800 1111, or by using the online 1-2-1 chat service. By talking to a ChildLine counsellor you could explore in more detail the concerns and issues that you have talked to me about.  What you say to ChildLine is confidential unless they feel you are in a life threatening situation.

Take care,

Sam

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