Ask Sam letter


To Sam


Hi, so when i was younger i remember kissing my firends (that were boys, im a boy aswell) as being silly and everytime i did it i would feel sad, not happy and regret it. From the ages of 11-13 that was on my mind crazy, it was the only thing i thought about 'am i gay' and was worried senseless. Now im 14 i feel more relaxed and that its fine to be gay but i really dont know what i am. I like girls and i guess boys slightly as well. But i'm not happy with liking boys and it makes me worried about my futer with being married and having kids, and in the society we are in most people are homophobic and negative twoards gay people!

I hope your reply will make me feel better abiut the situation, thankyou:)

Ask Sam


Hi there

Everyone has their own sexual orientation and this can also change over time. There is no set age that people learn about their sexual and emotional feelings and it is okay not to know how you feel yet.

People who are gay are attracted to people who are the same sex as them. Gay women are often referred to as lesbian. Some people are attracted to both men and women and are called bisexual. Find out more about other types of sexual orientation.

You can take as long as you like to work out your own sexual orientation. There is no such thing as normal and you do not need to give yourself a label.

All families are different and people who are gay or bisexual have families too. If you are gay then this shouldnÂ’t stop you having children as there are a number of options available to gay and lesbian couples who want to be parents.

Unfortunately some people can behave in a way which discriminates against people who are gay or bisexual. In the UK there are laws to protect people from homophobia or any form of discrimination and if you are treated in a way that you are not happy with, you have the right to report it.

Please do remember that it may take some time for you to work out what your sexual orientation is. It may help to talk to someone that you trust, perhaps a friend or a family member. You can also talk to a counsellor at Childline or look at our message boards where other young people share their experiences.

Take care,


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