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sexuality stalemate

Sam, do you have any advice on deciding sexuality and how to come out to parents... truth be told... IM PETRIFIED!!!!! because of one reason... Fake friends. I came out to  group of my closest schoolmates that i was gay (unintentionally) and they spouted "Awww thats great" and "good for you". 2nd week after i was no longer a part of their friendship group, a lower class than them. they keep staring and non-verbally threatening to tell my brother (whom, to my knowledge is homophobic) So the reason im shakey about telling my family is because i fear i wont be accepted by them or anyone else.

cheers Sam xoxox

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Sam

Hi,

Thanks for writing to me at what seems like a very difficult time for you. I can hear how hurt and surprised you are that your friends seem to have rejected you since you came out. It’s understandable that this has made you anxious about telling your family about your sexuality.

Your sexuality is an important part of your identity and you should be able to choose to share that part of yourself with others without being judged or rejected. Unfortunately, as you have found, the sad reality at the moment is that some people react in a negative way when they hear that you are gay. The way your friends are behaving is homophobic bullying, and it is completely unacceptable. It shows your friends’ current immaturity and lack of understanding. Your school has a responsibility to take this kind of discrimination extremely seriously - so it’s worth considering talking to a staff member about it.

Given time, I hope that some of your friends might start to recognise that you are still the same person, whatever your sexuality. I want you to know that you will find plenty of people who will accept your sexuality wholeheartedly. Not everyone will react in such a hurtful way. You might find it reassuring to visit the “It Gets Better” project, to see videos offering messages of support and hope to young people who are dealing with bullying and harassment because of their sexuality.

You mentioned that you think your brother is homophobic and that understandably makes you worried about coming out to him. Remember you don’t have to come out to everyone at once. You haven’t told me much about how you think your parents might react if you talk to them about your sexuality. If you feel unsure, perhaps you could start by commenting on LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual or Transgender) characters on TV. You could also let your parents know your opinion on current issues like gay marriage and see what they say. This could help give you a better idea of how they would respond to you coming out to them.

For more advice, you could take a look at the ChildLine sexual orientation. There is also a really strong community on the message boards and you will find support there from other young people. Another good website is Young Stonewall, where you can get advice and also find out about any social groups for young LGBT people in your area.

You would be welcome to talk things through with one of our counsellors before you talk to your parents. The counsellors are available for an online 1-2-1 chat or an email conversation, and on the free phone helpline 0800 1111. There is always someone to talk to, and you will never be judged for anything you say to them.

Once again, thanks for writing to me.

Take care

Sam 

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