Ask Sam letter

Asker

To Sam

Sexual Thoughts

Dear sam, im having sexual thoughts, and i dont know why. Im only 12 and it feels so wrong. Is this normal, it feels so unnatural. I dont expect a reply, but if there is one please help me this feels so wrong. i cant confide in my family, they wouldnt undesrtand, they just scoff at everything i say. Why is this happening, i havent even started my period, it just makes me feel confused and sad. I dont have any friends to talk to. What should i do, sam. I sometimes feel like i want to have sex, and for people to touch me.Please help me, but you dont have to, i know you probably wont reply, but i just need help, i dont want to feel these things.

Ask Sam

Sam

​​Hi there

It’s natural to have sexual thoughts and it’s nothing to be embarrassed about. It might feel confusing and difficult to understand. It can help to remember that thoughts about sex are a normal part of puberty and growing up.

You might start to have sexual thoughts and feelings when your hormone levels change as you start puberty.  Both boys and girls have sexual thoughts and feelings. When you feel like having sex with someone, remember that you don’t need to act on your thoughts. It’s important to be ready for sex and you don’t need to rush into a sexual relationship with someone else.

Masturbating is one way that you can safely explore your sexual thoughts and feelings. It’s okay to masturbate in private if you want to. Masturbation is a normal part of life and it’s not something to be ashamed of.  You can find out what other young people are saying about their sexual thoughts or about masturbation by looking on the Childline Message Boards.

Puberty usually starts between the ages of 8 and 13 for a girl but you might notice some of the other signs of puberty before your periods start. It can be confusing and scary when the changes happen so it can help to know what to expect.

As you go through puberty you might feel more tearful than usual and your mood might swing from happy one minute to sad or irritable the next. Your body shape might change, you might grow body and pubic hair and you’ll usually grow breasts and start your period if you’re a girl. There’s no right order for things to happen, everyone’s different.

Talking about the changes to someone you feel comfortable with like an older brother or sister, cousin, school nurse or a counsellor at Childline can help. Ask them to listen and explain things so you feel more confident and less alone.

Take care,

Sam

​​

Need help straight away?

You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.

Ask me a question

You can ask me about anything you want, there's nothing too big or small.

Write me a letter