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To Sam

Sexual health

Dear Sam,

Recently one of my best friends told me she is not a virgin, and has never used contraception. I am not going to tell you how old we are, all you need to know is we are under 16. I tried to tell her about all the risks but she wont listen, and now she is trying to get me to try it! She has also told me not to tell anyone. I don't want to, its her life, and I know she will never pressure me into IT but what happens when her mum comes to me asking if i knew how she got pregnant?

Ask Sam

Sam

Hi there,

Thanks for your letter and for taking the time to tell me how you're feeling.

It sounds like you’re very concerned about your friend having unprotected sex and that you have tried to educate her about the risks. It sounds really frustrating for you as she is not changing her behaviour. She has asked you to keep this information to yourself but you are thinking about what could happen if she became pregnant.

Perhaps you could think about talking to your friend about your thoughts and feelings. It might be a good idea to start by letting her know that you accept her choices and then go on to explain how you feel about what could happen. Hearing about your feelings might help her to see that the consequences of her actions would affect a number of other people, like you and her family. I’m wondering whether this could help her to consider the risks she’s taking in a different way.

It’s good to hear that you are not being pressured by her trying to encourage you to have sex. Nobody has the right to pressure you into having sex. You have told me that you are both under 16 and it seems like you are aware that it is illegal to have sex when you are under 16. That is something to think about when you are considering having sex. You might like to take a look Like It Is which has lots of information about sex, sexual health and contraception. Maybe you could think about looking at it with your friend.

You could also talk about your worries with a ChildLine counsellor by calling 0800 1111 or by logging on for a 1-2-1 chat. Calls to ChildLine are confidential so you can suggest that your friend calls too if you like. Well done for being such a caring friend.

Take care,

Sam

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