Ask Sam letter


To Sam


Hi, i really want to ask someone out and have sex with them. im 13, but i dont care about the law. but how do you have sex? how do i ask him to have sex? where do we go? and what do we do?
Ask Sam


Hi there,

It’s good to hear from you and I’m glad you’ve got in touch.

It sounds like you have a lot of questions about sex and relationships. It’s great that you’re asking these questions, as it’s really important to know as much as you can about healthy sex and relationships before you make any decisions.

I can hear that you know the law says you should wait until you are 16 before having sex. Some young people do have sex before this age, but the average age that people have sex for the first time is actually 16. Having sex involves physical and emotional risks. Doing this before 16 can leave people with different feelings. It’s always important to make sure you’re ready and comfortable with the person you want to have sex with.

The Brook and NHS websites both have lots of information about sex, your body and sexual health. They will give you some of the specific answers that you are looking for.

There is also information about sex and relationships in Explore and on the message boards.

You’ve asked about how to ask a guy for sex and where to go to have sex. These are more personal questions, and things that you and he should think about together. It’s important to feel like you can trust the person you are having sex with. If you do decide to have sex it is good to find a place that is comfortable and private. It’s also really important to think about keeping yourself safe. Using the right contraception will help you protect yourself from sexually transmitted infections and pregnancy. Your emotional safety is also very important. You need to be sure that the person you are with will respect you and will not make you do anything you don’t want to.

If you’d like to talk more then you could get in touch with a ChildLine counsellor and they could talk with you about how you’d like things to be. You can get in touch with a counsellor through the talk section of the website and log in for a 1-2-1 chat or you could ring on 0800 1111 for free (It won’t show up on any phone bills.)

Take care,


Need help straight away?

You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.

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