Ask Sam letter

Hi there

Thanks for your message.

It sounds like you aren’t sure about whether to have sex or not. It’s good that you’re taking the time to consider your options and that you’re writing about your fears. This shows a lot of maturity.

I think it’s important that you have the chance to talk openly with your boyfriend about whether you feel physically and emotionally ready to have sex. Having sex with someone is a big decision and it’s important that you feel able to be trust the person that you’re with.

You’ve mentioned that you’re particularly scared of getting pregnant. I think getting some good information about contraception will help you make your choice about having sex. The right contraception will also help you protect your sexual health. There’s a lot of really useful information in Explore about Sex and relationships including contraception and pregnancy. You can also get more information about contraceptives from your G.P. or your local Brook centre or Family Planning Clinic. You can contact the Brook helpline on 0808 802 1234 or visit their website. They’ve got some useful information on their website about deciding whether to have sex for the first time.

Just so that you know the legal age for sexual activity in the UK is 16 and although you can legally have sex after this age, you should only have sex when you feel ready and not because you feel pressured into doing it.

Remember, if you don’t feel ready to have sex then you probably aren’t. Only you will know when you are ready to have sex and your boyfriend should respect this. Sometimes it can help to talk to someone outside the situation that you trust.

Perhaps you’ve got a friend that you can talk to, or an adult that you are close to. You can also talk to a counsellor at ChildLine about this. You can call the helpline on 0800 1111, send an email or log on for a 1-2-1 chat.

I hope this helps.

Take care,

Sam