Ask Sam letter

Asker

To Sam

sex at 15

Okay, me and this boy have made it clear to each other that we like each other. We often get drunk together and have a couple of laughs. He asked me out around two months ago and of course I said yes. I really like him. I think its too early to call it 'love' but i do really feel something. We've gone far already, but I feel like I want to go further. Only issue is that he goes to my school, I don't want people knowing what we have done. Lovely boy, don't get me wrong. But im scared of rumors going round. My mom told me to talk to her before i have sex, but if I'm honest Sam, i really don't want too. I'm on the pill and got other forms of contraception, ie-condoms. I really am stuck with this one. Help?
Ask Sam

Sam

Hi there,

Thanks for your letter.

From what you’ve said, it sounds like you know what you want, but you want to be sure that what happens between you and your boyfriend stays private. It’s really good that you’re thinking about all these aspects of having sex before taking that step. 

There are physical, emotional and practical issues to consider before having sex. It seems like you’ve thought of all of these. You really like the person you want to have sex with. You are deciding for yourself if and when to take things further, which is so important. You are prepared for protecting yourself against pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections. Lastly, you are thinking of how your actions could impact on you afterwards.

The biggest factor affecting your decision is trust. You’re asking yourself if you can trust your boyfriend not to tell anyone else. Where trust is concerned, there’s always an element of risk. Only you can make the decision about whether to trust your boyfriend.

You said that you’ve gone far already. If he hasn’t told anyone about that, then it’s possible he won’t tell anyone if you do have sex. Another thing to consider is what might happen if you fall out or break up. Sometimes when a relationship goes wrong people don’t always remain friends. If someone is feeling really hurt, they may seek revenge by talking about things that were private in their relationship.

I’m not saying you are going to break up with your boyfriend, or that he would be horrible if you did, I just want you to consider everything before making your choice. It really is up to you now. You know your boyfriend, but you can’t know how things might be in the future. On the other hand, he seems to be trustworthy as he hasn’t told anyone about things you have done so far.

It might help you to look at our page on relationships. If you need to talk more, you can contact a ChildLine counsellor by calling 0800 1111, sending an email or logging on for a 1-2-1 chat.

Take care,
Sam

Need help straight away?

You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.

Ask me a question

You can ask me about anything you want, there's nothing too big or small.

Write me a letter